Childhood Victims and Bullies and Their Parents

The Parents of Childhood Bullies and Victims

Even though the behaviors of childhood bullies take place in peer groups outside the family, important differences have been found between the families of children who are bullies or victims, and the families of children who are neither bullies or victims (Stevens, Bourdeaudhuij, & Oost, 2002). In comparison to other families, interparental violence is more common in the families of children who become bullies or victims (Baldry, 2003). Besides this common experience, there are different family dynamics that contribute to children's assuming the roles of bullies or victims in their peer groups. Evidence suggests that bullies come from homes in which parents favor physical discipline, are frequently hostile and rejecting, have poor problem-solving skills, are accepting of aggressive childhood behavior, and/or teach their children to retaliate at the least provocation (Demaray & Malecki, 2003).

In contrast to parental behaviors that contribute to bullying, parenting influences on the likelihood that children will be the victims of bullies have been found to be gender related. Maternal overprotection has been associated with the victimization of boys and poor identification with mothers has been linked to the victimization of girls. In explaining the relations between maternal overprotection and the victimization of boys, it has been suggested that overprotective parenting likely interferes with the development of behaviors such as independence and assertion that are valued by male peers, and needed by boys to defend their position in the dominance hierarchy common to school-age peer groups. Being seen as independent and assertive also likely contributes to school-age boys' sense of self-confidence and adequacy in their peer groups. For girls, the link between victimization and low maternal identification is related to perceptions of the mother as hostile and rejecting. Low maternal identification might threaten girls' need for affiliation and their development of the social skills needed to relate closely and effectively with others. The parenting behavior most predictive of girls' victimization is perceived threat of rejection, which is experienced when girls' mothers threaten to abandon them, send them away, or stop loving them when they misbehave (Finnegan, Hodges, & Perry, 1998).

What This Means for Professionals

The previous discussion points to ways in which parents might alter their parental behaviors to prevent their children from assuming the roles of bully or victim. For professionals working with these parents, the prevention strategy developed by Hanish and Tolan (2001) might be a useful intervention plan. This five-step strategy, designed to prevent childhood bullying and victimization, recommends that parents (a) monitor their children's activities and whereabouts; (b) develop and use rules and consequences; (c) reframe behaviors in positive, instead of negative, ways; (d) focus on their children's positive behaviors; and (5) develop and use effective listening skills.