College Admission Essays: Avoiding Writing Traits Guaranteed to Annoy the Admissions Committee

I studied the word list and by golly I’m going to use it: Unnatural vocabulary

“As I ambulated through the fronds of semi-tropical vegetation, I. . . .” You what? Memorized the word list at the back of your SAT or ACT review book? I know that you want to impress the admissions committee with your scholarly preparedness, but sounding like a talking dictionary is not helpful. Not to minimize the benefits of a good vocabulary, but come on now, do you really have to squeeze every word from an SAT list into the same sentence? To make the point another way: Would you want to continue reading the first sentence of this paragraph? Probably not.

Here’s a secret about vocabulary: New words worm their way into your understanding gradually. First, you learn the meaning of the word from a list or from a dictionary. At this stage you know how to define the word on a test, but it’s still a stranger. Next, you begin to hear the word in conversation or notice it as you read. The word is becoming an acquaintance now, more familiar each time you meet it, but it’s not yet ready for an invitation into everyday expression. Lastly, when the word is a true friend, you feel comfortable inserting it into your speaking and writing, where it meshes smoothly with other old friends, the words you’ve been using for years.

Here’s another secret about vocabulary: Words have meanings (denotations, in dictionary terms) and associations (connotations). If you understand only the denotation of an expression but not the connotation, you may end up making some embarrassing mistakes. For example, both “proud” and “haughty” have similar denotations; they describe the attitude of people who are fairly pleased with their own accomplishments. But “haughty” is an insult, and “proud” is more neutral. You can safely write that winning the contest made you “proud,” but if you say that the gold medal made you “haughty,” you’re criticizing yourself. Moral of the story: When you write the college admission essay, don’t plop words from a list into your sentences. Chances are you’ll use the words improperly. Even if the words are in the right spot, you’ll come across unnaturally.

At the sound of the tone my essay will self-destruct: Machine Language

Machine language (not the stuff that computer programmers learn, but the words that voice-mail systems spit out) is as stiff as your back after 15 sets of tennis. Don’t write your essay in machine language, unless you want the admissions committee to appreciate your robotic qualities. Some examples, with corrections:

Stiff Sentence: It is now my understanding that the event that took place in my early childhood — the rattlesnake’s entrance into my crib — played a formidable role in shaping my eventual character.

Better Sentence: The rattlesnake slithered into my crib and changed my entire life.

Another Stiff Sentence: Any 300-word essay that could be written by me must inevitably fail to communicate the entire nature of my character, but I will endeavor to comply with your request anyway.

Better Sentence: I can’t possibly communicate my true self in 300 words, but I will try.

Last stiff sentence: It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of victory, it was the era of defeat. . . .

Better Sentence: Forget about it! No better sentence exists. The passage above comes from Charles Dickens’ A Tale of Two Cities. He was a genius, so he could break all the rules and create an unforgettable piece of writing.

If you think you can pull off Dickensian style, go for it. (But be warned: The higher you aim, the farther you may fall if you don’t hit the target.) For all non-geniuses out there, the rule is simple: Write naturally, not like a machine.

Tip: Having trouble achieving a natural style? Try “writing” your essay by speaking it into a tape recorder. Then transcribe the tape. You may have to clean up the grammar a bit and rearrange a few things to achieve a logical flow, but chances are the tone will be realistic. 

I wrote a gooder essay after I read them grammar books: Incorrect Language

Okay, I admit that grammar isn’t crucial to the fate of the world. Knowing where to put a comma and how to choose the correct verb tense is not as valuable as discovering the formula for cold fusion or negotiating an agreement with the teamsters union. But grammar does have its moments, and writing the college admission essay is one of them. Think of the issue this way: Not everyone reading your admission essay is an English teacher, but all are involved in the academic world in some way. And in academia, correct expression is prized. Good spelling is also a plus. You may not be accepted if you write in standard English and spell everything perfectly, but you’ll probably be rejected if you don’t.

Warning: Computer grammar and spelling checkers may help you, but don’t rely on them completely. The programs are still fairly crude; a lot of errors slip by, and those squiggly lines and suggested corrections are often wrong. Your best bet is to learn the rules and apply them with your very own brain.

When the rowboat sank in two feet of water, I was lucky to escape with my life: Untruths and Exaggerations

Your essay may be beautifully vivid and relate a compelling story. Great! But your essay must also be true, or you’re in big trouble. Choose your topic and write it accurately. Anything else is simply unacceptable. For example, if you won the math medal, say so. Just don’t claim that you won the medal against insurmountable odds when your opponents were still struggling with pesky little problems like 2 + 2. Just “tell it like it is,” as we used to say in the sixties. Why? Because lying or exaggerating is wrong. Moreover, you probably won’t be able to pull off a convincing lie anyway. And did I mention that not telling the truth is wrong?

I am a people person: Clichés

Every so often I point out a cliché — an old, worn out expression such as “raining cats and dogs” or “so hungry I could eat a horse” — to a student and then struggle to answer this question: “What’s wrong with using a cliché? It made my point perfectly. Besides, I didn’t know it was a cliché.” Sigh. The student has a point. Clichés became clichés because they once filled a need; they expressed a common idea in easily understood terms. The problem is that each time a cliché is used it loses a bit of its meaning. The expression has become so comfortable that people hearing or reading it press the automatic-pilot button and switch off their brains. They’re not considering your ideas because they’ve fallen asleep or put your paper aside, convinced that they already know what’s in it.

If you’re fairly young, you may not recognize every cliché. So how can you avoid using clichés if you don’t know what they are? Your best bet is to show your essay to a trusted adult, perhaps your parents or your English teacher, and ask the reader to point out any trite phrases. Then put on your creativity cap and try again.

Tip: The main idea of your essay, not just individual phrases, may also be clichéd. You don’t want to present the admissions committee with the admission-essay equivalent of the car chase that’s in every Hollywood movie. Fortunately, you can easily avoid this problem by writing about your own experiences in a very specific way. The experience you describe may be a common one, but if you throw in enough detail, your story will be unique because the details of your story do not match the specifics of anyone else’s story.

My essay’s on soccer so I wrote it on a soccer ball: Gimmicks

They’ve seen it all: soccer essays printed on actual soccer balls, essays baked into cakes or spoken into tape recorders, and essays written on (or in) balloons. They’ve seen every color of the rainbow, most of the fonts, and all sorts of paper (including wax, parchment, and shelf). So do you really think that you’ll get the attention of the admissions committee with a gimmick? Not likely. The more probable reaction is that the admissions counselor will place your essay (soccer ball, balloon, whatever) aside to be read “when I have time,” which may be never. Your best bet is to write the thing normally and present it rationally. Your words should make the case, not your presentation style.