College Crisis Action Plan for Parents

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The phone rings. It's your child, and she needs emergency help right now. What do you do?

The first thing to do is to tell her, "I'm so glad you called me. I want to be here for you and help you figure out how to get the help you need." With that calm, supportive base established, follow these steps:

1.Get the facts. Ask, "What exactly is the problem?" "What are the specific symptoms, behaviors, actions, drug or alcohol abuse, or self-medications that are going on right now?" "When did it start?" "Whom have you spoken to so far about this among friends, professors, or counselors?" "How are you feeling right now?"

2. Acknowledge your limitations. If your child is at a school far from home, you are not in a strong position to give hands-on help. After listening to the problem, you might say, for example, "I've read about the symptoms of depression, and it sounds like you have about six of the possible nine symptoms. I don't know if you're depressed, but I think you should go talk to a professional who can help you sort things out."

3. Decide who to contact. If your child is sounding suicidal and you fear for his safety, assess the level of danger. If you feel it is an authentic, immediate crisis, call the local police in the college community so your child can be transported to the hospital.

If it is a serious crisis but you feel it can be handled by counselors on campus, make arrangements to get an immediate evaluation through emergency channels. In this case, you have to assume that your child cannot make mature or responsible decisions, and it's appropriate for you to take charge while telling your child exactly what you are going to do. Due to confidentiality laws, when you call for help, you may come up against someone who says he or she can't talk to you because your child is an adult. If this happens, remember that although health care providers cannot talk to you, you can certainly talk to them. Get the name of the person resisting your request, and ask for a supervisor. Explain the emergency nature of your call, and aggressively go up the ladder all the way to the counseling director or head of campus security if necessary, until you get someone who will arrange for an immediate evaluation or transport to a nearby hospital. Then ask for a return call to keep you informed about your child's status. Although you may not be able to get a medical status report, you can certainly expect to be told if your child is in a safe place.

If the problem is less urgent but still serious and you feel your child needs immediate attention, encourage him to call for emergency help (or if he is too distressed, ask him if he would like you to call). Contact the resident director of your child's dormitory (in most schools, this person lives in the dormitory, is on call twenty-four hours a day, and is trained to respond to emergencies) or if the call comes during office hours, call the school's counseling center. If your child lives off-campus, he must call 911, or you can call the local city police number.