College Crisis Action Plan for Parents

If it is a serious crisis but you feel it can be handled by counselors on campus, make arrangements to get an immediate evaluation through emergency channels. In this case, you have to assume that your child cannot make mature or responsible decisions, and it's appropriate for you to take charge while telling your child exactly what you are going to do. Due to confidentiality laws, when you call for help, you may come up against someone who says he or she can't talk to you because your child is an adult. If this happens, remember that although health care providers cannot talk to you, you can certainly talk to them. Get the name of the person resisting your request, and ask for a supervisor. Explain the emergency nature of your call, and aggressively go up the ladder all the way to the counseling director or head of campus security if necessary, until you get someone who will arrange for an immediate evaluation or transport to a nearby hospital. Then ask for a return call to keep you informed about your child's status. Although you may not be able to get a medical status report, you can certainly expect to be told if your child is in a safe place.

If the problem is less urgent but still serious and you feel your child needs immediate attention, encourage him to call for emergency help (or if he is too distressed, ask him if he would like you to call). Contact the resident director of your child's dormitory (in most schools, this person lives in the dormitory, is on call twenty-four hours a day, and is trained to respond to emergencies) or if the call comes during office hours, call the school's counseling center. If your child lives off-campus, he must call 911, or you can call the local city police number.

4. Arrange a meeting with a mental health care counselor for an assessment. If you get the crisis telephone call in the middle of the night or on the weekend when the campus health center is closed, arrange for transfer to an off-campus emergency facility. This is why it is so important to have contact phone numbers on hand before an emergency; it is likely that the panic call will come when the main college switchboard is closed and you cannot easily find the people you need.

If your child calls you on a weekday or can wait until the morning, have him call the school's counseling center and ask for an appointment to see a counselor. He will have to explain the urgency of his needs if he wants an immediate appointment.

5. Arrange for a return call. Get your child to promise to call you back when he or she is safe and in the care of a responsible adult.

6. Ask your child to give the counselor permission to speak to you. Because your child is a legal adult, his medical records are confidential. A counselor cannot talk to you about your child's problem unless your child gives written permission.

7. Identify the contact person. Once you've determined that your child is safe and in good hands, find out who will be coordinating care and will be your liaison at the school. If your child is moved to off-campus care (a hospital or local psychiatrist), identify who you can contact for information (with the permission of your child).

8. Monitor follow-up. Make certain that your child's case is not dropped once the emergency passes. He should get follow-up care appointments. There should also be follow-up between all health care providers both on and off campus.

Create a time line to make decisions. Don't rush to remove your child from school or run to his side. You might decide with your child, for example, to wait five days to see how the situation evolves and then see what he wants to do next.

9. Decide as a group what steps to take next. Ask for a conference call with you, your child, and the counselor as soon as possible. Talk together to determine the next steps, and find out what you can do to help. Discuss if it is appropriate for you to come to the school or for your child to come home.

10. Keep in touch at least once daily to give support, without sounding panicked yourself.

Although strong and open parent-child communication and proactive involvement with the college are absolutely necessary to help young adults avoid mental health problems, you will always walk that fine line during your child's college years between guiding a young adult who needs your help and stepping back to let him or her grow in independence. It's not always easy to do as one former student recently reminded me.

Kaylee had battled an eating disorder during her college years and now, with a satisfying job, is in recovery. Looking back on her situation, she says: "Parents need to understand that unless their son or daughter wants to change, wants to recover, nothing they say will make it happen. No matter how much you talk, argue, plead, or yell at them, it won't work. My sister recently began to have an emotional problem, and when I would try to talk to her about it, that's when I realized how frustrating it had been for my parents. It opened my eyes to what they had been through and I realized it was tough."

Yes, good parenting can be very tough.