College Admission Essay: Leaving a Good Impression

Buy this book »

Before you put the final seal of approval on your rough draft, you need to step back a couple of steps and read it as an outsider would. Who is the person represented in this essay? What impression does the essay give of the writer’s character and ability? After reading the essay, will the admissions committee be able to identify the writer’s values and interests and understand more about the writer’s life?

If the answers to these questions please you, you’ve increased the chances that your essay will do its job — to present your true self to the college or university. But achieving the distance necessary to read your work with a critical eye is a challenge.

Getting Your Point Across

What’s the point of your essay? I know, I know. The point is to get the admissions committee to scream, “Yes, yes, yes we do want you, yes!” as they throw scholarship bucks in your direction. But that’s the long-range goal. The immediate issue is a little different. When you first set out to write the essay, you chose a moment in your life, significant ideas, or people to describe. Now, as you polish the draft, you need to recall why you chose that particular topic. Then you must make sure that the reason is clear to the reader.

Getting your point across firmly and accurately is crucial. Imagine the admissions counselor closing the folder on your essay. Do you want that reader to muse, “That’s nice, but why are you telling me this?” I don’t think so! You have to hammer the idea home, but gently. Right about now you’re probably murmuring, “‘Gently’ and ‘hammer’ don’t go together.” But imagine a private-eye movie, one of those old black-and-white classics, where the detective is hit from behind. Before he realizes what happened, he’s on the floor and his beautiful but treacherous client is mopping his brow. That’s the effect you’re after: a sideswipe.

Just to show you what to avoid, here are some overly obvious point “hammers”:

I told you the story of cousin Abner and the squirrel so that you will understand my deep commitment to protecting nature in all its glory, including the acorns.

I have shown that I am committed to protecting nature in all its glory, including the lowly acorns.

The story of Abner and the squirrel makes it clear that I love nature and should major in environmental science.

In the essay I have proved my commitment to the protection of nature.

Nothing like overkill! In each of these clunkers, the writer has talked down to the reader, treating him or her as a child who must be taught what to look for. Not a good attitude! Instead of baldly stating your point, work the main idea into the essay more subtly, in a couple of interpretive sentences. Check out these examples:

When my cousin Abner killed the squirrel by destroying every acorn in the county, I was sad, but my grief turned to resolve. I now have a deep commitment to protecting nature in all its glory, including the acorns that supply food for our furry friends, the squirrels. (placed at the end of a story about an acorn bonfire)

When my cousin Abner destroyed the squirrel’s acorn supply, I knew Furrytail was doomed. As I grieved, my father confronted me. “Don’t be sad,” he said. “Take action. Make a commitment to protect nature in all its glory.” At that moment I resolved to major in environmental science. (placed at the end of a story about an acorn bonfire)

I have been committed to the protection of nature ever since I saw my cousin Abner kill a squirrel, not with a rifle but by destroying the acorn supply with a bonfire. . . . By majoring in environmental science, I’ll be able to save all of Furrytails’s descendents from starvation. (first sentence placed at the beginning of the essay, second sentence at the end)

For an example from a real student applicant, check out this example essay. The essay presents the author’s role in a fight between the author’s brother and parents. The last sentence contains a statement from the author’s father and makes the point of the essay clear: