College Admission Essays: Setting Up a Transition

Repetitive transitions

Here is a real student essay by a young man who is destined to win the Nobel Prize for Robotics, if such a prize is ever given. His little metallic creations flipped, scuttled, and slithered across my classroom floor one year. This essay about his “disaster bot” provides good examples of repetitive transitions. (To help you identify these transitions, I underlined them. Don’t underline anything in your application essay.) Notice that paragraph one ends with the idea of perfection. Paragraph two begins with a statement about perfection. Similarly, paragraph two ends with a statement about disappointment, and the first sentence of paragraph three mentions “disillusioned,” “confusion,” and “panic” — all ingredients of disappointment. The advantage of a repetitive transition is that the reader can easily grasp the links between paragraphs. However, a repetitive transition does carry one important risk. If you repeat too many words or reuse the same terms, your reader may wander off mentally, sure that the meaning you’re trying to impart has already been received. If you use a repetitive transition, take care to keep the repetitions short, and vary the wording as much as you can.

Word or phrase transitions

None of the word or phrase transitions are strange terms that you have to look up in the dictionary. The fact that these terms are so easily identifiable tells you that they’re quite common. Indeed, you probably insert them into your writing without a second thought. Here are the word or phrase transitions most likely to be useful in a college admission essay, along with sample sentences.

Relationship: additional idea

Transitions: also, moreover, in addition to, besides, furthermore, likewise, not the only, not only

Sample Sentence: In addition to my work on the student council, I also initiated a coup and took over the school board. (links [LB3]�a section about the student council to a section about becoming czar of the Community Educational Oversight Committee)

Sample Sentence: Besides getting an A+ in recess, I also won the Most Likely to Be Arrested Before Age 30 award given by local merchants. (links two paragraphs about slacker behavior)

Relationship: contrasting idea

Transitions: on the other hand, in contrast to, however, despite, in spite of, nevertheless, nonetheless, otherwise

Sample sentence: On the other hand, I am attracted to the opportunity to sue really pompous public officials who oppress powerless high school students. (links two sections about possible legal careers — one in trusts and estates and the other in public interest)

Sample Sentence: However, my grandmother taught me much more than poker. (links a description of applicant and grandmother at the card table to a description of the same pair playing slot machines)

Relationship: comparison

Transitions: than, equally, as ___ as, similarly, similar to, like

Sample Sentence: Similar to my interest in gooey chemical compounds is my housecleaning hobby. (links sections about two favorite pastimes)

Sample Sentence: My interest in gooey chemical compounds is as longstanding as it is profound. (links a section describing fun with a childhood chemistry set to a statement of perpetual commitment to gooey compounds)

Relationship: cause/effect

Transitions: therefore, because, hence, thus, so, accordingly, consequently, as a result

Sample Sentence: Because I plan to practice medicine on Mars, I am attracted by your major in extraterrestrial biology. (links a section describing the applicant’s interest in space medicine to a paragraph praising a truly weird biology major)

Sample Sentence: Thus, I urged the student council to abolish all standardized tests, particularly those which [LB4]�I had failed. (links a section describing problems with certain tests to a paragraph about the legislative response)

Relationship: time

Transitions: previously, after, before, since, still, yet, up until, then, later, before, earlier, finally, in the end

Sample Sentence: No community service project was too time-consuming for me after I realized how much this sort of activity counts in the college admissions process. (links a paragraph about an early slacker period with a later activist phase)

Sample Sentence: In the end, I built 461 houses for displaced rodents, providing a clean, safe environment in which they could kick back and chew little food pellets to their heart’s content. (links a paragraph describing a bizarre community service project to the heart-warming results of that project)

Relationship: example

Transitions: for example, for instance, illustrating, showing

Sample Sentence: My mother, for example, insisted that I walk barefoot to school every day. (begins a paragraph illustrating several hardships that the applicant overcame in his academic career)

Sample Sentence: Illustrating my commitment to your institution, I enclose a snapshot of me kneeling in the campus quadrangle, begging for admission. (begins a paragraph of undignified groveling)

The preceding sample sentences, the products of my strange imagination, are intended to be humorous. Don’t try them in a real essay!

Many of the transitional words and phrases I just explained look like conjunctions — words that are legally allowed to join sentences. (Legal according to grammar teachers, that is.) But looks can be deceiving. Don’t attach one complete sentence to another with any of these words: however, moreover, also, furthermore, consequently, therefore, then, and in addition to. You may join two complete, equal sentences with these words: and, or, but, nor, for, and yet. Other “legal” joining words, which attach two ideas and make one more important than another, include after, before, since, because, although, so, while, and when. For more information on grammar, including a complete list of words that attach one thought to another, check out Chapter 14.

Word and phrase transitions do a fine job marking out the logical path that you want the reader to take. Just be careful not to overuse them in your writing. If the connection between one paragraph and another is already clear because, for example, you’ve inserted a repetitive transition (see the preceding section for more information on repetitive transitions), don’t plop in a word transition also. Overkill is not an attractive quality.