College Admission Essays: Describing Signficant Strangers and Friends - Essays About Other People

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Writing About Friends and Relatives

When my son was about two feet tall, my husband — all six feet of him — stooped down to chat with his offspring. My son immediately bent his little body into the same position, squeezing himself into 1 1/2 feet of space! I think of that moment whenever I ponder the power of parental influence. Little kids tend to model themselves on the big figures in their lives, in a literal sense. As children grow, peers, even if they’re younger, gain importance. Your task, in writing about a friend or relative, is to define the influence of that figure in your life.

Choosing the “big figure” in your life

Who changed your life? Parents are an obvious choice, but siblings, teachers, friends, and neighbors are all possibilities. As you take inventory of the “big figures” in your life, keep in mind that the figure you choose may have had a positive or a negative influence. If you go with a negative, be sure to emphasize the positive aspects of the relationship. For example, I once read an essay written by a student whose father was in prison. She candidly explained what he had done wrong and went on to discuss the strength she needed to grow up in his absence. She discussed her own values — quite different from his — and her attempt to come to terms with his mistakes. Her conclusion emphasized the love she felt for her dad, despite his flaws, and her determination to create a productive life for herself. A great essay, emphasizing the good that she had extracted from a bad situation.

If you write about someone who has made your life more difficult, take care not to indulge in whining. Even though the student I described in the preceding paragraph had good reason to complain, she was quite matter-of-fact about her experiences. Her father was in prison, and her family struggled with many hardships. The same point — I made something of myself despite my relatives’ behavior — would come across quite differently if her difficulties had involved only overly strict curfew-setters or a little brother who habitually peeked into her diary.

Sometimes a group, not a single person, is a good subject for your essay. Check out this example - a student essay describing a summer construction job. (This is a real essay, but I changed the names for privacy.) The author wrote about his fellow “hardhats,” using two or three paragraphs of details about their working conditions to convey the reality of their daily lives. He supplemented the general description with a couple of specifics about various workers:

Danny — shop steward with degree in sociology

Mr. G. — union boss, warned against dropping out of school

Jake — laborer with a wife and three children to support, worried about car payments and rent

Both elements — the general paragraphs about the construction site and working conditions as well as the thumbnail sketches of three individuals — combine to form a complete picture. Lacking either of the two elements, the essay would be much less effective.

Selecting the scene

After you’ve decided the who, you’ve also got to define the how and when of the essay. You can’t accomplish your goal — to show the influence of Mr./Ms. X on your life and character — with a bunch of general statements such as the following:

Mrs. Gabble inspired me to become a better person.

Chick’s friendship meant a lot to me.

I never understood heroism until I met Aunt Molly.

No matter what, I can rely on my mother.

All these statements may be true, but they ask your reader to trust your judgment and accept what you say without any proof. Lacking specific examples, the reader has no basis on which to make a decision. A much better strategy is to present a little scene, the sort that might appear in a short story or a novel. (However, everything in your scene must be true.) To zero in on the best scene, play a mental videotape of memories. Watch yourself interacting with Mr./Ms. X. Choose moments in which the influence of Mr./Ms. X was readily apparent. When you write the essay, remember to include all the ingredients that make your scene come alive — action, dialogue, and description. (Check out Chapter 18 for tips on writing a vivid scene.) Also remember to leave room for interpretation. The next section of this chapter, “Interpreting the influence,” shows you how to do so.