College Admission Essays: Placing Topic Sentences and Details

Topic sentence first

A topic sentence in this position starts the paragraph off with a bang. If you want to orient the reader immediately, clearly revealing the most important point of the paragraph, go for a first-place topic sentence. However, be aware that everything after the topic sentence may feel like a letdown. Also, because a vast majority of paragraphs begin with the topic sentence, your reader may be tempted to jump from Alp to Alp, reading the topic sentences of each and skipping everything else. (Not a bad reading tip, by the way, when you’re actually in college and facing more reading than you have time for.) Here’s the paragraph. I underlined the topic sentence to make it absolutely clear, but don’t underline anything in your finished essay.

Everything I need to know about life I learned from breadcrumbs. Each little morsel of wheat is absolutely unique, both separate from and connected to its fellow crumbs. No breadcrumb is worth wasting, but nothing good comes from only one crumb. To fry a tasty piece of fish, to bake a savory meatloaf, or to pave the way for Eggplant Parmesan, you need a cup or more of breadcrumbs, not one small shred. Furthermore, when the going gets tough (in hot oil or humid weather), the breadcrumb presents a united front and sticks more securely to its fellow bits of wheat.

See the set up? The first sentence tells you what to expect: a series of lame comparisons between life and breadcrumbs, which is exactly what the paragraph delivers.

Topic sentence last

If you’re building up to a big payoff, a last-place topic sentence is best. This sort of paragraph brings the reader along slowly and gives the reader a chance to come to the conclusion (the main idea of the paragraph, which is in the topic sentence) at the same time the writer gets there. The reader feels smart, and a smart-feeling reader is a happy reader. Check out this paragraph, in which the last sentence sums everything up. (I underlined the topic sentence for the sake of clarity, but don’t do so in your essay.)

Consider the lowly breadcrumb. Each little morsel of wheat is absolutely unique, both separate from and connected to its fellow crumbs. No breadcrumb is worth wasting, but nothing good comes from only one crumb. To fry a tasty piece of fish, to bake a savory meatloaf, or to pave the way for Eggplant Parmesan, you need a cup or more of breadcrumbs, not one small shred. Furthermore, when the going gets tough (in hot oil or humid weather), the breadcrumb presents a united front and sticks more securely to its fellow bits of wheat. In short, everything I need to know about life may be learned from breadcrumbs.

Not vastly different from the topic-sentence-first variety of paragraph, but an interesting variation. Try one in your writing!

Topic sentence in the middle

Topic sentences may land in the middle of the paragraph, though this position is rarer than the other two. The middle spot is good for variety, for when you’d like to keep the reader alert and hunting for your message. The downside is that the reader may hunt but not actually find the main idea, and you risk losing clarity. Read this paragraph, in which I’ve underlined the topic sentence. (Note: Don’t underline anything in your essay.)

Each little morsel of wheat is absolutely unique, both separate from and connected to its fellow crumbs. No breadcrumb is worth wasting, but nothing good comes from only one crumb. What a life lesson! In fact, everything I need to know about life I learned from breadcrumbs. To fry a tasty piece of fish, to bake a savory meatloaf, or to pave the way for Eggplant Parmesan, you need a cup or more of breadcrumbs, not one small shred. Furthermore, when the going gets tough (in hot oil or humid weather), the breadcrumb presents a united front and sticks more securely to its fellow bits of wheat.

Would you have found that sentence without the underlining? Maybe yes, maybe no. And now you know why few writers make a habit of placing the topic sentence in the center of the paragraph. But as a change of pace, try the middle position.

One more word about details

As you see in the examples earlier in this section, the details fill up all the space in the paragraph not taken up by the topic sentence. Fine. But what should you put where? Which detail goes first, which second, and so forth? Sometimes the answer to those questions is a simple statement: It doesn’t matter. But more often you’ll end up with a stronger piece of writing if you consider the internal logic of the paragraph and place the details accordingly. Suppose, for example, you’re describing your grandmother. You might follow a kind of geographical order, describing her dyed blue hair first and working your way downward to her gigantic, size 15 feet. Or you may choose to work by the clock, mentioning your earliest memory of Grandma and moving forward in time — or backward to family stories about her life before you were born. A point of view approach also works, as in this paragraph:

Everyone in my family talked about Grandma at her funeral. My grandpa thought that Grandma was “the finest person I have known,” as he said in a voice filled with tears. He didn’t smile once for the first year after her death. My brother told a story about picking a bouquet of weeds for Grandma, who accepted them as if they were the finest orchids. She didn’t even scold him, he said, for trampling the real flowers in her garden during his bouquet-gathering expedition. My mom’s comment was the only one to make me cry. She said that she saw my grandmother whenever she looked at me.

Notice that the details are grouped by person: Grandpa, brother, mom. The writer might have chosen a different order — perhaps brother, Grandpa, mom — and still ended up with a fine paragraph. Whatever the order, the groupings give the paragraph a logical structure, allowing the reader to grasp the ideas more easily. By the way, the first sentence of the sample paragraph is the topic sentence, which sets up the main idea of the paragraph. For more about topic sentences, read “Creating a Strong Topic Sentence,” earlier in this chapter. Also, if you’re having trouble gathering details for your essay, check out Chapter 6 for some nifty detail-discovery techniques.

As you write your admission essay, think for a moment about where you place the details. Random order may be all right, but if you can come up with a structure that makes sense, go for it!