Thoughts of Home: How Often Should I Return Home?

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"Most people I knew who went home a lot did miss out and also didn't like college as much as the ones who hung around on weekends." -Kristina Ihlenfeldt, Clemson University

The first time students who go away to college refer to their new campus address as "home""as in, "After I finish at the library, I'm going home""it can feel sort of strange. In a fleeting moment, they might ask themselves, "Did I really say that?" and just as quickly brush it off with, "Well, I live here, and I kinda like it, so I guess it makes sense."

The experience reflects the dual existence of college students"stepping boldly into a new "home" with one foot while the other remains planted in the doorway of their "real" home, many miles away. Although the adjustment to college is easy for many students, anxiety-inducing dilemmas can surface over situations that were never an issue before: how to stay in contact with parents who are no longer around every day; how to find a way back home and how often to make the trip; and how to adjust to life upon the return to their "real" home, which can suddenly seem like a different place after almost a year away at school.

In some cases, these situations never materialize into worrisome concerns because students adjust smartly, work at their relationships, keep a realistic perspective on things, and also have some good luck. In other cases, students make choices they wish they could reverse in hindsight. This chapter will explore the different ways students have dealt with all sorts of "home life" issues"and provide the benefit of their hindsight.

Students on any given dorm floor return to their "real" homes with varying frequencies. Some, especially those attending college on the opposite coast, might only return during semester breaks. Others, especially those who live only a few hours away and have their own car, might head home on most, if not all, weekends. And there are many students in between, who might return once or twice a semester.

No matter how you look at it, a weekend away from campus means fewer opportunities to make social connections in the dorm as well as throughout the college as a whole. For those who return home occasionally, it's not an issue. But those who head home on half the weekends or more could be missing out on some great opportunities.

When she started attending the University of Virginia, Michael Ann Bevivino  resisted the urge to return regularly to her hometown of Alexandria, about two hours away. Many of her friends from high school, who also attended U.Va., made the trip more routinely. "I didn't go home until our first break, which I think really helped," said Michael Ann. "The students who often went home had a lot of trouble adjusting to life at school. . . . It was hard to not go home at first, but it really helped in the long run because I think that I adjusted more quickly to life away from home."

Denelle Walker used to return home every two weeks to Many, Louisiana, from the Baton Rouge campus of Louisiana State University. "I used the excuse that I needed to do laundry, but in reality, no one drives three-and-a-half hours to wash clothes"I just wanted to be back in familiar surroundings," says Denelle . "The closer you live, the more tempted you will be to revisit your old stomping grounds."