How Do Colleges Make Their Decisions? : The Parents’ Role

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Parents, of course, play a role in their child’s college admissions process long before an application is even filed. A loving home where education is valued is the most lasting, important gift a parent can give a child. When it comes time to seriously begin thinking about college, however, you can take some specific steps to help your child deal with an unfamiliar and sometimes daunting process.

Teens differ in the kind and amount of help they need and are willing to accept, however, so you will have to see what works for both of you. A word of caution about overinvolvement. Marilee Jones, former dean of admissions at MIT, has vividly described what can happen at the extremes when parents lose perspective:

More and more, today’s parents are getting too involved in their child’s college admissions process, and in many cases, their actions and attitudes are getting out of hand. . . . At MIT we’ve been asked to return an application already in process so that the parent can double-check his/her child’s spelling. We’ve been sent daily faxes by parents with updates on their child’s life. We’ve been asked by parents whether they should use their official letterhead when writing a letter of recommendation for their own child. Parents write their kids’ essays and even attempt to attend their interviews. They make excuses for their child’s bad grades and threaten to sue high school personnel who reveal any information perceived to be potentially harmful to their child’s chances of admission.

Fortunately, antics like these are still far from typical, but many behaviors that might seem less extreme are still worth avoiding. One counselor gives this advice: “It seems very important at the moment to get everything just right. The temptation to micromanage is strong. You have experience, and you are probably correct. They are young and have no experience. But they will be your children for the rest of your lives. Don’t do anything between now and May 1 of the senior year (or even after that) that might hurt your long-term relationship with your child.” Wise words—but this same counselor steamed open his daughter’s SAT scores when they arrived in the mail so that he could see them while she was away at camp. Sometimes it is hard to take your own advice. Overinvolvement sends a clear signal to both children and colleges that the applicants can’t make it on their own. Neither message is a good one.