Creating an Essay Outline and Adding Details: College Admissions Essay Help

Standard Outline

If it has been a while since you've written one, a standard outline uses Roman and Arabic numerals and upper and lower case letters, as in the following sample outline.

This writer decided to organize her story chronologically, using physical places or objects (the bus, the camp, her home) to divide her story and to ground her emotional content. The complete essay is included in chapter 8.

1. Drive to regional soccer camp
   1. nervous about not being good enough
   2. weather makes nine-hour ride difficult
   3. find out grandma has had second stroke and is in hospital
      1. challenge is more emotional than physical
2. At camp
   1. not playing well; on reserve team
   2. phone calls from mom usually cheer me up
   3. mom tells me grandma is in a coma
      1. thinking about grandma is overwhelming
   4. while on field, see whole family approaching
   5. realize grandma has died
3. Home for the funeral
   1. comfort my aunt after the service
      1. realize JT am support for her
   2. lucky to have my immediate family, unlike my aunt
   3. don't have the right words to say to her
4. Return to camp
   1. grandma would have panted me to finish what I started
      1. feel obligated to follow through and take last chance to get chosen
      2. play in last game, on advanced team
   2. I am not selected
5. Return home
   1. see that some good can come out of situation
      1. able to help my aunt
      2. overcome my own grief
      3. have desire to continue to try to succeed

Once you've completed your outline, revise and refine it by taking the following steps:

• Write down your overall goal for your essay. What are you trying to tell the admissions committee about yourself that the rest of your application didn't reveal?
• Read through your outline. While reading, circle, underline, or highlight your major points or images. Do they all support your goal?
• Consider your focus. Can your story be well told in about 500 words or are you trying to cover too much? Now is the time to get even narrower if need be.
• Brainstorm details. Include thoughts that will accurately and concisely express your major points. Write them down in the margin of your out-line, or use a separate sheet.
• Use your outline to guide your writing. Don't allow yourself to stray from your goal, or your major points.

Add Depth With Details

The best way to make your essay stand out, and make your points clearly and vividly, is to use details. Details are a great way to show. They're also important because they help the reader connect with your writing—an important goal of your admissions essay.

Details often involve the senses. You might describe a scene or an object with such clarity that your reader can almost see it for him or herself. Also, use dialogue or sounds to help your reader connect with your essay. This is important in almost any kind of writing, but it is crucial in the personal essay. It's these kinds of details that express your unique experiences and point of view. In other words, details can turn a weak essay into a winner.

If you haven't started writing yet, think about details as you develop your notes and outline. For every point you make, come up with three or four details that support it. Get as specific as possible. Notice the impact additional details can have in the following descriptions:

• We lived in a house.
• We lived in a typical center-hall colonial.
• We lived in a typical middle-class, subdivision house—the center hall colonial.

Details also includes instances and examples.

Don't tell your reader that you love the works of Jane Austen. Instead, show it by describing where and when you bought your first copy of Emma, or how you missed soccer practice because you were caught up reading Pride and Prejudice and forgot the time. Scenarios that illustrate your point can be great essay details. Take your reader to your jazz band performance by setting the scene. Describe the festival stage, the crowd, even the weather.

Specific evidence, such as the exact temperature of the ocean, or how many volunteers you were up against when you won the Volunteer of the Year award, are also strong details. By being precise, you draw your reader into further identification with your writing. And since your goal is to submit an essay that connects with at least one person on the admissions committee, that identification is critical.

Dialogue also makes for great essay detail. Giving strong voices to the people you're writing about makes them seem more real, and your interaction with them provides a glimpse into your ability to form relationships and get along with others. (Remember the roommate theory of personal essays? You're convincing your reader that you can live in one room with another student harmoniously.)

One word of caution: be certain the details you use are related to your message and are not overdone. Whether it's a scenario, a description, or lines of dialogue, have a good reason for its inclusion. Don't leave it up to your reader to draw conclusions or figure out connections. Make certain each detail supports your major points and overall essay goals. And don't overdo it. Some admissions essays are clogged with details; perhaps it's because some students are used to writing assignments that are required to be a certain length, or because they've been taught that there's no such thing as too much description. It's important to strike a balance by using enough details to enliven your writing, but not so much that they weigh things down.

Vague and Detailed Sentences

Adding a few details can make boring sentences come alive. Note how the following details can express a unique personality and point of view.

Before: I spent the summer working at Wal-Mart.
After: Eight hours a day, five days a week, I worked at Wal-Mart last summer, dreaming of the sun that would be setting as I punched out.

Before: Math is my favorite subject.
After: Calculus made me think in ways I never had before, and made me realize that I wanted to follow a career path that involves mathematics.

Before: I really want to attend XYZ University.
After: The two most important reasons for my decision to apply to XYZ University are its relationship to its inner city community, and the quality of the teaching staff in the Economics Department.

Before: Playing varsity baseball has taught me how to be part of a team.
After: I learned many valuable lessons from my teammates during my three years playing varsity baseball.