Development of Peer Relationships and Interpersonal Understandings

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School is very much a social place. In fact, for many students, interacting with and gaining the acceptance of peers are more important than classroom learning and achievement (B. B. Brown, 1993; Dowson & McInerney, 2001; W. Doyle, 1986a). For example, in the “Motivation” video clip in the Ormrod Teacher Prep Course, when 15-year-old Greg is asked what he most likes about school, he quickly responds, “Lunch . . . all the social aspects . . . friends and cliques.”

However, social success and academic success are not an either–or situation. Quite the contrary, students who enjoy good relationships with their peers at school are more, rather than less, likely to achieve at high levels (Gest, Domitrovich, & Welsh, 2005; Guay et al., 1999; Patrick, Anderman, & Ryan, 2002; Pellegrini & Bohn, 2005).

Roles of Peers in Children’s Development

Peer relationships, especially friendships, serve several important roles in children’s and adolescents’ personal and social development. For one thing, they provide an arena for learning and practicing a variety of social skills, including negotiation, persuasion, cooperation, compromise, emotional control, and conflict resolution (Asher & Parker, 1989; Erwin, 1993; Gauvain, 2001; Maxmell, Jarrett, & Dickerson, 1998; Sutton-Smith, 1979).

In addition, peers often provide much-needed social and emotional support. In the preschool years children see their age-mates primarily as sources of recreation, but as they grow older, they find that friends can provide comfort and safety—a group with which to eat lunch, a safe haven from playground bullies, and so on (Berndt, 2002; Pellegrini & Bartini, 2000; Youniss & Volpe, 1978). Once children reach puberty, they rely increasingly on peers rather than adults for emotional support, especially in times of trouble or confusion (Levitt, Guacci-Franco, & Levitt, 1993; Rubin, Bukowski, & Parker, 1998; Wentzel, Barry, & Caldwell, 2004). Such support may be especially important for young people from unaffectionate or excessively punitive home environments (Berdan & Keane, 2005).

Many adolescents, especially girls, reveal their innermost thoughts and feelings to their friends (Levitt et al., 1993; Patrick et al., 2002; A. J. Rose, 2002). Friends often understand a teenager’s perspective—the preoccupation with physical appearance, the concerns about the opposite sex, and so on—when no one else seems to understand. By sharing their thoughts and feelings with one another, teens may discover that they aren’t as unique as they once thought and may gradually abandon the personal fable mentioned earlier (Elkind, 1981).

Peers also play a third important role in personal and social development: They serve as socialization agents that help to mold children’s behaviors and beliefs. Young people socialize one another in a variety of ways (Erwin, 1993; Ginsberg, Gottman, & Parker, 1986; J. R. Harris, 1998; A. M. Ryan, 2000). They define options for leisure time, perhaps getting together in a study group or smoking cigarettes on the corner. They offer new ideas and perspectives, perhaps demonstrating how to do an “Ollie” on a skateboard or presenting arguments for becoming a vegetarian. They serve as role models and provide standards for acceptable behavior, showing what is possible, what is admirable, what is cool. They reinforce one another for acting in ways deemed appropriate for their age, gender, or ethnic group. And they sanction one another for stepping beyond acceptable bounds, perhaps through ridicule, gossip, or ostracism. Such peer pressure has its greatest effects during the junior high school years; teenagers who have weak emotional bonds to their families seem to be especially susceptible to it (Berndt, Laychak, & Park, 1990; Erwin, 1993; R. M. Ryan & Lynch, 1989; Urdan & Maehr, 1995).