Fatherhood Guide: Fathers and Sons

Fathers and Sons

• Help him take responsibility for his own behavior. Don’t encourage a “boys will be boys” attitude that excuses selfishness, impulsiveness, and domination.
• Allow him the full range of emotions. Help him learn that real men can be afraid, can hurt, and can cry.
• It is important for fathers to model appropriate expressions of anger that do not threaten, control, or hurt anyone else. Anger is a necessary emotion that needs to be expressed with care and consideration of others.
• Encourage him to respect girls and women as equals, rather than objects to be controlled, dominated, or manipulated.
• Discourage condescending jokes and put-downs. If your son makes a negative comment about women, step in and correct him.
• Teach him that it’s all right for a man to ask for help, support, and healthy affection. Let him know how much you value your friendships and partnerships.
• Talk with him about the violence he sees in the world. Help him to understand why people are violent. Discuss ways to respond to the violence we see on TV shows, movies, video games, etc.
• Discuss healthy sexuality with him, and the importance of being responsible.

*Adapted from “15 ways Fathers Can Nurture Non-Violent Sons” by Michael Obstaz, Ph.D.

Recommended Books on Fatherhood

• Fatherneed: Why Father Care is as Essential as Mother Care for Your Child. Kyle D. Pruett (2000)
• Fathers & Babies: How Babies Grow and What They Need From You, by Jean Marzollo (1993)
• Live-Away Dads: Staying a Part of Your Children’s Lives When They Aren’t a Part of Your Home. William C. Klatte (1999)
• The Divorced Dad’s Survival Book: How to Stay Connected with Your Kids. David Knox (2000)
• The Father’s Almanac, by S. Adams Sullivan (1992)
• The Role of the Father in Child Development. Michael E. Lamb (2000)
• The 7 Secrets of Effective Fathers. Ken R. Canfield (2003)
• The Stay-at-Home Dad Handbook. Jessica Toonkel, Peter Baylies (2004)
• Working Fathers: New Strategies for Balancing Work and Family. J.Levine & T. Pittinksky (1998)