| Suggestion |
Examples |
| Early caregiving promotes a secure emotional attachment |
- Learn to read your child's cues. Respond to them, and then watch to see if the need has been met.
- Watch and listen; let the child initiate when feasible. Don't always rush in to start an interaction.
- Provide an environment that is sensitive to your child's temperament. Don't try to push a reluctant child too hard or too fast, or constrain an active child for too long.
- Provide lots of opportunities to play and interact with others, including you.
- Spend time talking with your child, labeling and explaining things in the environment in simple words. Respond to your child's attempts to make things happen (e.g., move the rattle closer to her when she tries to reach it).
- Express delight in your child's early accomplishments; even if every other child also does the same thing, it is a new accomplishment for this child!
- Cradle, rock, massage, and otherwise provide comfort to your child when he seeks it from you. Communicate in words, facial and physical gestures, and activities that your child is worthy, lovable, capable.
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| Provide positive support and encouragement. Outcomes may matter, but also stress effort and improvement |
- Praise a good outcome (e.g., "What a beautiful painting! I'm so proud it was chosen for the art show!").
- But also point out the process and the effort (e.g., "Was it fun to come up with those colors? I noticed that you put in a lot of work on that project.").
- Support the effort and recognize progress, even if the outcome isn't good (e.g., "I know you didn't do as well on the test as you had hoped, but you really tried hard. Keep working hard and you'll get better at it; I know you are disappointed that you didn't make the top team, but all that practice really did help your game.").
- Help your child set realistic goals and sub-goals so the difference between his real and ideal selves is not so great.
- Remind your child that she doesn't have to excel in everything. Some things are truly just for fun!
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| Provide instruction and guidance to help the child improve |
- Make time to help your child with the things you know how to do.
- Work with others (e.g., teachers, coaches, friends) to provide good models for knowledge and skills you do not have.
- Think creatively. Find ways to use your child's strengths to improve her weaknesses (e.g., a child who is not a good reader but is very social might enjoy doing a dramatic reading of a story to her family, friends, stuffed animals, etc.).
- Make teaching interactions as pleasant as possible (e.g., make up card games or money games to practice math skills, play word rhyming games to practice phonics for reading).
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| Give honest feedback |
- Don't lie or exaggerate, especially as children move into elementary school. They usually know when they have not done well, and will simply learn to not believe you. Be honest, but in a gentle and kind way.
- Talk about specific things the child can do to improve, and provide help. Spend time with the child working on the skills, offer guidance, do the activity with the child, and so forth. Different approaches will work with different children.
- Offer balanced feedback. Point out what went well as well as what went poorly.
- Point out examples of both strengths and weaknesses in yourself, other family members, and your child's friends to help them understand that nobody is great at everything.
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| Teach goal-setting skills |
- Help your child set specific and reasonable goals. Even preschoolers can set and accomplish concrete, short-term goals such as "I have to finish putting my toys away before I go to the park."
- As children get older, model how to set explicit longer-term goals, smaller and more immediate goals, and how to make a plan for accomplishing them. Example: Andy wants a new skateboard (longer-term goal). He needs to decide what kind, how much it will cost, and how to get the money (sub-goals). He can check Web sites and talk to friends to figure out what kind and the cost. He can do extra chores, save birthday money, and not buy snacks after school to save allowance money.
- Help children develop and use a system for tracking progress toward their goals (e.g., a chart, calendar, or written log of progress). Notice and comment on progress toward goals.
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| Emphasize strengths |
- All children do some things well. Remind them of their strengths and offer specific examples of them.
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