General Principles for Behavior Management

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Nearly all children demonstrate behavioral problems from time to time. Although these problems are relatively common, they are, nonetheless, disruptive. Teachers and parents however, should avoid attempting to control children's behavior (Crary, 1984). Control means that someone else takes over and determines what events occur. Parents and teachers need to learn how to respect children and their ability to control their own behavior. When children are in control of their behavior, it makes them more receptive to learning experiences whether at home or at school (Eisenberg, Lennon, & Roth, 1983).

This respect should be demonstrated in language and actions (Honig, 1985). Children should be told what it is that adults like about them, and shown they are valued by receiving smiles and hugs. Showing respect also includes taking time to listen to what they have to say. When children feel they are respected, they are better able to stay in control. Even when children do not behave rationally or in control, however, they should still be respected and loved.

Children respond more positively to being told what they can do rather than what they cannot do. Adults would be bewildered if their bosses were to say, "I don't want you to be lazy today," Adults and children prefer and expect to be told what needs to be done, A phrase such as, "Today, we should work together and get this project completed," demonstrates positive expectations.

Whenever possible. children should be given choices rather than told exactly what to do. Adults must be careful, though, not to overwhelm children by providing too many or giving them choices that are "developmentally inappropriate" (Factor & Schilmoeller, 1983). Instead of being told, "Sit down and eat your apple," choices such as. "If you want a snack, you need to sit down. Would you like an apple or an orange?" could be provided.

Children tend to respond positively to a comment such as, "Today, we are going to have fun sharing with our friends," rather than, "Today we are not going to grab toys from our friends." Adults should avoid overloading children with negative statements such as no, don't, stop it, quit that, cut it out, and you can't. Most children gradually stop listening when there are many "no's." Messages of "no" may discourage children and cause them to begin to feel negatively about themselves. Telling children what not to do also does not provide them with information about what they should be doing.

Children should be continually reassured that they are worth loving and can learn how to do new things. When children sense that other people value them, they are more likely to approach and persevere at tasks they find difficult (McGinnis & Goldstein, 1990). When children sense that adults do not like them or think they cannot be successful, they are more likely to resist participating or to fail when they try.

When children are unsuccessful, they frequently hear comments such as, "That was too hard for you" or "Can't you do anything right?" These messages tell children they are not expected to be successful. Messages such as, "That's a really hard job. Let's try again," encourage them (Wyyckoff & U nell, 1984).