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Giving Your Teens the Gifts of Time and Attention

Source: State: Rhode Island Department of Education
Topics: Teen Years (13-19), Communicating With Teens, Attachment and Your Child

Take an interest in their activities. Set aside time for them.

Time spent with teenagers is time well spent. Teens want and need your attention, just as much as smaller children. Research shows again and again that teens do not want your relationship with them to become distant. They just want it to change as they grow.1 In one survey, teens said that "not having enough time together" with their parents was their biggest issue of concern.2 Teens also said that they would prefer to spend extra time with their parents than doing anything else, and reported that spending time with their parents is one of their biggest priorities.2,3

  • Spend some time alone with each of your teens. Try to set aside 15 minutes every day. Let them choose what you do together. Give them all your attention.
  • Show an interest in what your teen is doing. Go to their games, school functions, and performances. If you don't show up, they will be the first to notice.
  • Get to know your teens' friends.Take a group of teens to the movies, a game, the mall, or whatever. It shows your teens that they are important to you.
  • Make your home a place comfortable place. Make it a place where your teens and their friends feel they can hang out. Keep food in the house for them.
  • Look for opportunities to do something special together.They will feel that they are special to you. When tough issues come up, you will already have a trusting relationship.
  • Find ways to get close to your teen in every day activities. Do chores together. Cook a meal together. Exercise or take a walk together.
  • Eat meals together as a family. Eat together as often as you can. Turn off the TV. Try not to argue or bring up difficult subjects. Just talk and enjoy the time together.
  • Take a few minutes to talk with your teen at bedtime. Sit on their bed and talk about the day. It's a chance to catch up. It may be a time when they feel like talking.

 

Looking for simple things to do with your teen?

  • Go for a walk
  • Cook a special meal
  • Play a game
  • Share a book or a news story
  • Work on a project
  • Browse the Internet
  • Exercise Listen to music - try sharing your favorite CDs with each other
  • Bring your teen to work
  • Go to lunch; make it a regular date
  • Go to the mall
  • Go to the library
  • Go to a museum
  • Do chores together
  • Watch a movie and talk about it
  • Volunteer in the community
  • Go to a game, performance, or event
  • Go for a drive; take your teen somewhere special to you when you were a teen
  • Take a class - like cooking or martial arts
  • Go for a bike ride
  • Ask your teen what s/he wants to do and try it - even if it doesn't sound very fun to you
  • Just sit and talk

More Resources:

US Department of Health and Human Services, Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services administration. A Family Guide to Keeping Youth Mentally Healthy & Drug Free. "Quality Family Time."

National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse (CASA) at Columbia University

1 Simpson, A.R. (1997). Raising Teens: A Synthesis of Research and a Foundation for Action. Boston: Center for Health Communication, Harvard School of Public Health. pp. 40, 49.
2 YMCA of the USA. (2000). "Talking With Teens: the YMCA Parent and Teen Survey."
3 Horatio Algier Association. (2003). "State of Our Nation's Youth Survey.

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