Tips for Parents: Social and Emotional Development in Gifted Children

On poor care and feeding of friends…

Kids are not very good at taking the long term view. And their experiences with family are often that people love you even if you drop off the planet for a while. This might be one of those teachable moments. I would consider discussing it with him, but do so in a very brief fashion. "Do you worry about losing your friends if you don't stay in touch with them?" Let him start talking about it. At some point insert, "friendships don't last without regular contact." let him talk. and then see what solutions he can generate. If you talk about it too much, it will start to become your project and he is more likely to abandon the problem for you to take care of.

Fears of the dark and closet monsters…

Magical problems require magical solutions -Children will grow out of this stage, but there is no reason for them to be genuinely frightened and unhappy in the interim. A can of scented “monster spray,” wearing special bracelets or dream catchers over the bed can be helpful. At 5, this is not a fear that lends itself to reason. This is part of animism. The world of inanimate objects are alive (stuffed animals and the like) and reason has very little to do with it.

Setting limits and power struggles

Intelligence is not the same as wisdom (which is why we don't let teens vote or buy liquor). It is reasonable to set limits. As a parent, you may need to be unpopular and create rules that you can stick with consistently. You have a longer view than an adolescent and are better able to evaluate risk. It is simply part of their normal developmental maturation, even among highly gifted children.

It also means that your YS may be certain they are right, your restricting cell phone access is banned under the Geneva Convention, you are the most restrictive and unreasonable parent on the planet, doing things that "none of their friends parents do" and you can quietly stick to your guns. Parenting is about making choices, and you may be wrong or right in hindsight, but you have to call it the way you see it in the moment. You're the ref. All that stomping on the sidelines doesn't need to sway your decision. They can make different decisions later when they are parents.

“Sure” and “Whatever” are rude. Rude is not OK, even to parents.

Dreikur’s book, Children: The Challenge, is a great help for working with power struggles.

Helping with coordination and physical confidence

I would suggest martial arts, but I recommend that you go to the school first and meet the teacher. Make sure that this is someone you trust who will help your child develop the values that you think are important. There are bad teachers out there who focus on medals, belts, and testosterone.