Smart Parenting During and After Divorce: How to Figure Out Holiday Visitation

Mother's Day and Father's Day

Parents are sometimes tempted to trade weekends on Mother's Day and Father's Day, but it is best to maintain the regular weekend schedule and simply ensure that the children spend Mother's Day with Mom and Father's Day with Dad. For example, if the mother is the custodial parent and Mother's Day falls on Dad's weekend visitation, the child should come back at 10:00 on Sunday morning and spend the day with Mom. If Father's Day does not fall on Dad's weekend, Mom should make them available to Dad for the day (from 10:00 to 8:00 or so).

Legal Holidays

If a legal holiday or some other special time such as summer visitation falls on the same day as regular visitation with the other parent, the legal holiday or summer visitation supersedes the regular visitation. The prime example of this is during summer vacation. Dad is supposed to get two weeks during the summer, but the weekend that falls between the two weeks is Mom's regular weekend visitation. Dad wants to go to Disneyland during those weeks, and Mom says, "Sure, as long as the kids are back in time for my weekend visit," which requires that Dad cut his vacation short by a week. That is not the way it should be done, although I have seen parents try to sabotage visitation enough times to know that this example is in no way far-fetched or unusual. If you think that the co-parent will try to interfere with your visitation or blocks of parenting time, or if you are unclear as to how holidays and vacations are divided, get clarification from your attorney.

Parents' Birthdays

While many adults hate to acknowledge birthdays, they seem to get over this for the purpose of annoying one another with custody and visitation problems. When children attend any family gathering for a parent's birthday, it's usually a good time for the child and certainly a benefit to her. The key here is reciprocation. It must go both ways. If having your child for a portion of time on your birthday is important enough to you, have your attorney put it into your agreement or petition the court at the appropriate time in your legal case.

Halloween

Is Halloween a holiday? Judging by the number of visitation-related fights it inspires, it sure seems to be. The vast majority of Halloween problems occur when children are small and do not mind being dressed up like a turnip or sunflower. Parents sometimes fight over the "right" to take their children trick-or-treating. A good rule of thumb is that if it is fun for your child, and the child has to do it with the other parent, you should be the bigger person and let the child go. Better yet, divide the time and take the child to two fun places.

Summer Vacation and School Recesses

These times should be chosen, scheduled, and agreed to in advance. If the parent with the visitation is planning on taking a trip, she should provide a written itinerary of the trip with complete contact information.

Quick Tip: Try not to transport your kids on "party holidays" when drunk drivers might pose a danger to you and your children on the road.

Holidays That End Late at Night

New Year's Eve and Christmas Eve are two holidays that can end late in the evening. Think twice about scheduling visitation returns late at night on holidays that entail higher risk of drunk-driving accidents. It is better to schedule a return very early the next morning than in the middle of dangerous driving times.