Smart Parenting During and After Divorce: How to Tell Whether Your Lawyer Is Doing a Good Job for You

A good way to start gauging your lawyer's performance is to be sure you know exactly what you are going to court for on any given day. Ask beforehand what would be a good outcome, a bad outcome, and a likely outcome. If your lawyer tells you he has no idea, ask whether he is saying that so that you are not disappointed, or so that he does not get your hopes up. Some people would rather know the bottom line, even if it is probably bad. If that is your style, communicate that to your lawyer.

Sometimes your lawyer will tell you that she is having a difficult time "reading the judge." This is not a bad thing. Oftentimes in family law, judges make temporary rulings that seem to come out of nowhere or do not make sense. Some judges are known to be somewhat conservative in their rulings, and some are downright capricious. Your lawyer cannot be blamed for not being able to read the judge's mind.

Listen carefully to what a judge says to your lawyer in the courtroom. If a judge tells your lawyer that he was careless or failed to make the right motion or argument, ask your lawyer (after court) what the judge meant by those comments. If you start hearing things like that every time you go to court, it is a safe bet that your lawyer is either not getting along with that particular judge or is not adequately representing your needs. You might want to hire a different attorney.

If you go to court and get more than half of what you have asked for, you are doing pretty well. People rarely get everything they want in court. Judges are very motivated to be fair. Popular psychology and common notions of fairness usually dictate that what is fair is what is divided equally or equivalently. Although the law might not say that 50-50 is fair, after observing judicial decision making for more than a decade, I can say that this is the rule of thumb that applies most of the time. When the 50-50 rule does not apply, most judges will make certain that everyone gets a little and gives a little in the spirit of compromise.

There are exceptions, of course, but popular wisdom dictates that a fair resolution to almost any problem is when each person gets a little of what they want and gives up a little of what they do not want to give up.

The generalizations I have made here do not apply when one or more aspects of your case represent an egregious violation of the law. Do not, for instance, expect to get a generous visitation schedule if you have run away with your child or were just arrested on drug charges. Judges try to divide time and parenting privileges equally when both parents are good parents who have shown that they love and care for their children.

Quick Tip

Your lawyer should almost always be able to give you a best, probable, and worst scenario for what is currently happening in your case.