Smart Parenting During and After Divorce: How to Get Along with a Lawyer

Your Needs

Your primary needs are most likely as follows:

• To be made aware of important information
• To be informed of any risks to you
• To be assured that your lawyer has adequately prepared to argue on your behalf
• To be assured that deadlines for submission of documents are met and that you are not unfairly penalized for delays or penalties caused by your lawyer's poor organization or performance
• To be assured that your lawyer will show up for court dates in a timely fashion (This is the number-one pet peeve of most judges I have worked for. If your lawyer is late for court, assume the judge will get irritated—and that can affect your result.)

If your lawyer is meeting these criteria, she is probably doing a good job in other areas as well.

Your Lawyer's Needs

Your lawyer has needs, too. These needs include the following:

• Freedom from multiple phone calls about the same topic, or other forms of attention-seeking behavior that do not assist him in the performance of important tasks
• To be exempt from blame for events that are beyond her control—for instance, when you take a day off from work to go to court, only to be told your case is adjourned for something having nothing to do with your lawyer
• To be paid on the schedule you arrange with him at the beginning of the case. Your personal life and your future are important to your lawyer; however, when lawyers do not get paid on the schedule you promise to pay them, that starts to affect their personal lives, and that limits their ability to help you. It causes them to resent you, as well.

Most good lawyers do not like to be dictated to or told how to do their jobs. This does not mean that you do not have the right to ask questions about how they do their job or offer your suggestions. Striking this balance has more to do with how you communicate as opposed to what you communicate. For example, instead of telling a lawyer what she should have done, try asking whether there is a reason why a particular approach should or should not be taken. Your attorney should be more than patient with any civilized discussion you engage him in, if ultimately it makes you feel more comfortable.

Although very few will admit it, most attorneys love to be told they did a good job. Most people like to be told they are doing a good job. Lawyers are almost never told when they are doing a good job, even when their work is outstanding. That is because at the end of even a good day in court, they have always experienced some measure of aggravation. A little praise to your attorney will go a long way. This even applies to lawyers who cannot seem to stop talking about how wonderful they are.

Lawyers, like most professionals, can have a difficult time turning off their "lawyer personality." Part of this personality may reflect stubbornness, arrogance, or other objectionable personality characteristics. Remember, some of these same characteristics form the basis for their success. As long as your lawyer respects you, do not feel as though you have to love her personality.

Quick Tip

While your lawyer should be available to you in case of an emergency, don't expect any lawyer to hold your hand or coddle you. That's just not a reasonable expectation.