| 1. |
a. |
Because young children's thinking is limited, rules need to be established for them by parents. |
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b. |
I always respect my young children's emotional desires and nearly always go with their choices. |
| 2. |
a. |
My child might lose privileges for breaking rules. |
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b. |
My child and I negotiate rules until I get a commitment from him that these rules will be followed. |
| 3. |
a. |
I give my young child opportunities to make his own choices. When these choices do not work out, I ask him to evaluate his past actions and to consider new choices if this same problem should occur in the future. |
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b. |
Children (including mine) sometimes do not fully understand the possible negative consequences of their choices; therefore I make most choices for my child at this young age. |
| 4. |
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When my young child is playing loudly with his or her toys in the next room: |
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a. |
I tell the child that this loudness is over the line, but let him decide on an idea for change, and then we come to an agreement. |
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b. |
I tell him about the loudness, its effect on me, and my feelings about it—generally I am confident he will change his behavior after he understands this. |
| 5. |
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My child is having a friend visit and they have a conflict both physically pulling at a toy that each wants to use: |
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a. |
I tell the children that I will put the toy in "time-out" for fifteen minutes, and if they are able to play without conflict for that time period the item will be returned to them. |
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b. |
I have the children settle it between themselves by my simply standing nearby asking questions on how they might solve this problem themselves. |
| 6. |
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If my child feels that I am being unfair to him, but I disagree with him, then: |
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a. |
The child and I will talk about it, both contributing to a list of other alternative solutions, and we would both decide on one or more actions acceptable to both of us. |
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b. |
I would ask, "What did you do? What is the family rule? How will you act differently the next time?" Then I would ask him to reason through the situation as to how he might act differently if a similar situation would arise. |
| 7. |
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When a child does not want to go on a family outing |
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a. |
I would determine what he really wants and then begin a reward system of having him earn "chips" or points to "buy" that object. A host of house chores, other duties, and full participation on this family outing would earn "chips" that could be use to buy the item he treasures. |
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b. |
I would arrange something to follow after the family outing that he loves (possibly stopping for ice cream, pizza, or other treats) and then with this awareness of the treat he may choose not to go to the outing. He would stay with a neighbor (anyyone he prefers), but he will also miss out on the activity (ice cream, pizza, etc.) that will follow the outing. |
| 8. |
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When my child begins to have playmates over, I will most likely |
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a. |
Announce the "house" rules and inform them how the rules will be fairly enforced. |
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b. |
Let them play freely, and if difficulties happen that affect me and my property, I would discuss the effects on me, and have discussions with the children to work on a rule that we can all accept. |
| 9. |
a. |
I encourage my child to express his ideas and feelings freely even if his comments are at times harsh, with critical words including anger directed at me. |
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b. |
I encourage the child to come up with choices, select one, and commit himself to it, but I make sure that he does not hurt others or take others' rights away. |
| 10. |
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If my child interrupts an important conversation, I will most likely: |
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a. |
Ignore my child at this first incident, but begin working through consequences (positive or negative) to teach him not to do th is in a future situation. |
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b. |
Express how the behavior (interruption) has caused me a problem and express my strong feeling of frustration regarding such actions—with this knowledge he will most likely change. |
| 11. |
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When a child breaks a rule, a good parent |
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a. |
Firmly follows up with an appropriate action that will teach him not to do it again. |
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b. |
Has him think up actions to "make right" the situation that resulted from his behavior. |
| 12. |
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If child refuses to eat any item off his plate at dinner, saying he doesn't like what has been prepared, I would |
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a. |
Hold a meeting with him, possibly involving the other members of the family, to decide what meats, vegetables, and other foods are liked by most family members, and these agreed-upon foods are cooked most often. |
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b. |
No "nagging" is done by me, the parent, toward my child during the meal, but when the table is later cleared, his plate, full of food, is set aside, and the child might return to it later in the evening. But that evening no snacks, or other food treats, would be permitted. |
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