Families and Parent Educators Help Girls Go Beyond Stereotypes (continued)

Payne-Hines says she bans Disney movies from her home because the female characters dress scantily, have big lips and breasts and tiny waists. “It’s presexualized. Ariel (in The Little Mermaid) spent the whole movie in a bikini top. She was adventurous but then she got married and all that went away. I don’t want (my daughter) to feel like she has to sacrifice something exciting to be with someone.” 

“We dress our little girls like sluts,” adds Brenda Hunter, executive director of Conejo Valley Neighbor-hood for Learning. “You see leopard skin outfits for five-year-olds—parents say they have a hard time finding good choices. (Girls) get really caught up in appearance, bringing out a ‘sexual object’ approach before they even know what that means. I don’t want to see a little five-year-old shaking her bootie. Then you find sixth graders (having sex) because they think that’s what they’re supposed to do to please boys.”

Help girls explore non-traditional activities

In Renaldo Sanders’ family child care program, “everyone runs and jumps and climbs”, she says, including her niece. Before her niece came to live with Sanders, the girl was not encouraged to play outdoors or taught to ride a bike along with her brothers. But she “took karate along with my husband and my son,” says Sanders. “We taught her to skate and do pull ups, we wanted her to be able.”

Lee Anne Slaton, from Parents’ Place in San Francisco, helps parents encourage girls to do non-traditional activities, like team sports. “They teach you how to work in a team, how to lose in public—how to win in public,” she says. “And sports are very important for girls, health-wise.”

Encourage girls to speak up

“I’m Latina and in my family we don’t express ourselves,” says Grageda. “So I ask girls to express themselves when someone hurts them, when someone does something they don’t like.”

“It’s OK for girls to argue, to negotiate,” says Slaton. “Encourage girls not to just be the ‘good girl’ who says yes and goes along. When my daughter wanted a raise in her allowance, she had to present a plan, explain why she needed more, and what she would spend it on. That was useful later on in jobs!”

“(People think) girls can do anything, there’s no more glass ceiling,” says Slaton. “But when they go to school, it’s important for parents to listen when girls complain, ‘The teacher calls on boys more.’ Talk about it with the teacher. Teachers don’t realize they’re doing it, but boys tend to demand more attention. Girls are praised for neatness, boys for product.”

“When teachers and families only focus on what letters a student writes or what colors she knows, other skills fade in importance,” adds Uba. “Girls learn the only thing that matters is how well they sit still and do traditional academic learning.”

Resources

• Raising Girls, by Melissa Trevathan and Sissy Goff
• Everyday Ways to Raise Smart, Strong, Confident Girls by Barbara Littman
• Growing a Girl, by Barbara Mackoff