Tips for Parents: Teaching Cheetahs to Hunt - Practical Strategies for Teaching Executive Functioning and Academic Skills for Gifted and Twice-Exceptional Kids

The transition from “child prodigy” to “eminent adult” is not always easy for gifted kids. There is an intermediate stage, where they have to master the skills and habits of their chosen domains, as well as develop the relevant emotional and executive self-regulatory skills (planning, refocusing after a setback, etc). Many students find it an unpleasant surprise when they “hit the wall” and must learn to work hard, because they often think of effortless perfection as part of how they know they are smart. From a young age, it is important to cultivate the notion that we are all, always, works in progress, continually learning and growing, and it is the capacity to work hard and improve that is a necessary adjunct to natural talent.

Unfortunately, even older and more self-aware kids can’t always tell you what the problem is or what skills they are missing. They may claim they are “bored” when they are actually having a hard time, or when they do not understand the domain well enough to judge their own performance.

What helps is to become very curious and nonjudgmental. Question specifically, observe methodically, and help engage the child in the ongoing process of learning about himself and about the world. Really try to understand where he actually is at the moment, rather than being upset that he is not where you want him to be. Pay attention to what actually happens when it’s time to sit down to work – what is interfering with the process? What kinds of situations predispose him to have problems, precipitate the problems, and perpetuate them? Think of it as an ongoing research project, where he and you are collaborating to figure out how to help him be successful.

Learn about executive skills and how complex they actually are (there are excellent books by Dawson & Guare, and by Mel Levine, on the topic). Apply the same analytical perspective to figuring out which aspects of executive functioning are not working well for her, rather than applying a more global label like “not focusing well.”

Find out what his concerns are, and treat them with respect. Place yourself as an expert consultant who will help him reach his goals, rather than a stern taskmaster who comes up with and imposes all of the answers. Invite him to suggest solutions, and help him edit those suggestions to reflect your concerns and create methods for evaluation that will help him realize when a strategy is not working well and he needs to change his approach. There is no need for recriminations or “I told you so’s.” If something doesn’t work, then you and he have simply gathered more information that will help you revise your plans.

Distinguish clearly between “won’t,” “can’t ever,” and “can’t at this time with these resources and supports.” Value judgements, encouragements, incentives, threats, consequences, and exhortations are rarely effective if the problem is a “can’t.” It is better to look at what she needs right now to be successful, and what you see her needing to be able to do for herself in the future. Because this process is often very slow, and because many older kids reject adult guidance and assistance, it’s important to plan for the long term and start early. It’s best to avoid cutting off options by saying, “She’s just never going to want or be able to do that.” Focus on practice in her zone of proximal development – the skills she can do with just a little bit of help. As she demonstrates her improving skills, fade the support very slowly.

Understand that the intermediate steps from where she is to where you’d like her to be often have to be a lot smaller than you think. Executive skills tend to develop from external to internal – at first, you may have to change the environment to enforce certain behaviors, then move to guiding her through those behaviors, cueing her to do them, monitoring that she has done them, and eventually ask her to to them on her own. Break things down into much smaller steps than you think are needed, and don’t move along that path towards less guidance until she has shown that she can do the task reliably at the level she’s at.

If he makes mistakes, don’t personalize or criticize or vent your anger. Stay very patient and speak about the problem as separate from the person. “That paper escaped the rings of the binder – let’s get it back in there before it runs further away!” Let the calendars and checklists be the bad guys, not you.

Have all of the relevant adults communicate directly with each other rather than expecting a child who is having trouble to tattle on himself.

Understand also that most academic tasks, particularly long-term projects, are far more complex than they might seem at first, and kids are often overwhelmed. They are likely to need help learning to break them down into step-by-step components and to stay focused on doing only one tiny step at a time. Visual organizing techniques, particularly those that allow rapid entry and dynamic reorganization (such as post-it notes or software like Freemind), are often helpful in getting all of the information out where it can be seen and the gaps can be found.

If one step in a process is seriously problematic for a child, such as a dysgraphic child who cannot write fluently, or a child with executive functioning disabilities that make it hard for them to figure out how to group facts into related groups, decouple that step from the rest of the process. Practice it separately, working towards proficiency, and understand that the child may need more help and guidance on that step than on the rest of the task.

If the problem is, in fact, a “won’t,” then you have to look at what is getting in the way of motivation. One of the leading theories of motivation breaks it down into three components: autonomy (feelings of independence and self-control), relatedness (connection to other people or to larger ideas or the cosmos), and competence (feelings that they can successfully accomplish challenging and worthwhile tasks). Figure out which of these is missing from the situation, and help find a way to restore it.

Note that many common interventions can actually interfere with motivation. For example, many incentive systems interfere with a feeling of autonomy, as the child feels that an effort is being made to control him and to make him do something he does not want. Incentives are better used as a means to give feedback that a child is progressing well towards a goal that he himself values.

Projects reflecting a gifted child’s interests, can often multiply and become overwhelmingly complex. Use ongoing lists of ideas, trial periods, time and money budgets, “grant proposals” at varying levels of complexity, and a regular review process that allows a project to be activated, put on the back burner, or ended, to help the child avoid starting more than she can finish, figure out how much depth she is really interested in, predict difficulties, plan for success, evaluate her progress, and see how her interests have changed over time.

Aimee Yermish (aimee@davincilearning.org) is an educational therapist specializing in work with children who are gifted, learning-disabled, or twice-exceptional, providing assessment, enrichment, remediation, mentoring, program development, and parent and teacher guidance. She draws upon her analytical background as a research scientist and her practical background as a classroom teacher in order to create individualized strategies for each child.