When Children Are Happy

The Importance of Make-Believe Play

Researchers note that make-believe play is the primary socialization experience that contributes to an emotionally well-regulated and happy child. According to Laura Berk and her colleagues, children learn to self-regulate their emotions by using cognitive strategies to control emotions and impulses and to act according to moral standards, monitoring thinking and behavior in pursuit of expectations of others and their own goals.2 This thinking process is apparent in the early months of life as children learn to deal with arousal and modulation of sensory stimulation. Yet it is not until the preschool years that they really start to control emotions and impulses. The Berk studies also found that make-believe play strengthens the ability of a child who is at risk for developmental delays in play and speech to self-regulate.

Teachers and parents can help a child with self-regulation by developing dramatic play stories where conflicts are resolved. Through these experiences, the child learns the correct language to use that is accept- able to peers, as well as the self-soothing skills to calm his own emotions as he plays. He sees what controls the emotions of his peers and sees as well the expectations of others and responds to these demands during imaginative play.

Private Speech

Preschoolers use what clinicians call private speech: a tool where the child talks to herself aloud about what she’s thinking. This private speech is absolutely normal and accounts for 20 to 60 percent of children’s language utterances during play.3 According to Berk and her colleagues, children using private speech are taking over support provided by others. Preschoolers are working through their own ideas and making self-guiding comments for the tasks that are most challenging. Children who use private speech are seen as more regulated than their peers in play. That is, they are able to guide their own challenges and control their own emotions and think about what language they are using to meet the expectations of others.

Children integrate private speech dialogues by using a rich tapestry of voices learned from their social world. This self-engagement brings into their play the values, strategies, and a skill learned from parents and teachers and provides a way for children to work through their own ideas. Berk found that during this type of pretend play, each child is learning how to manage intense emotions and master social skills. She also noted that children who use private speech during play become more attentive and involved, and they perform better than their less talkative peers.4 Researcher N. Y. Broderick, found that four to five years olds judged by teachers as using more private speech during free play and during art and puzzle activities were rated as more self-regulated than classmates who didn’t use as much private speech. They were more attentive to their tasks. At the same time, they become better at self-regulating during play, which leads directly to a happy, content state and a sense that they are in control.

We’ve also found that the happiest children are those who have a strong sense of self and a sense of humor, and they become person- ally involved in their play. They use a mixture of private speech and talking to their peers in a continual dialogue about their feelings. They love to play with others as well as by themselves. They are confident in the person they are, even at their young age.

Parents and teachers can contribute to a child’s feeling of happi- ness by supporting her during play, praising her, and helping her make connections between her emotions and using language to express her ideas and opinions. These are the tools children need to create friend- ships and bring out positive aspects of their innate personalities so that they will seem happier to others.