Playing On Their Own: "Me Time" For the Moms/"Fun Time" For the Kids

Introduction

Moms need time to replenish their energies and enthusiasm. Children benefit from learning to spend independent time. In training the kids to play alone, and give Mom time she needs for herself, keep these six guidelines in mind.

• Age One: Safety needs must be met.
• Age Two: The age of the child, and the child’s interests, must be taken into account.
• Age Three: The number of children must be considered.
• Age Four: Mom must put her guilt and some expectations aside.
• Age Five: Mom may have to lower her neatness standard.
• Age Six: Kids can be taught. Explain things to the kids when they are old enough to understand Mom’s need for some time.

How I could get the kids to play alone, and how safely they were able to play alone varied greatly as my two daughters grew. When the first one was a baby, I invested in an expandable circular gate that almost filled the living room. I would load in the safe toys and let the little one play. This would give me up to 45 minutes of reasonably free time one to three times a day with an occasional check for safety.

The Playpen Method

The playpen method works best with one child. There is a safety concern about putting two babies in a pen alone or leaving one baby in a pen alone in a room with an older, but not yet responsible enough sibling. When daughter #2 came along, I would need to find a safe alone activity for her while baby was in the pen. This need was the mother of invention of a strategy that worked very well for one toddler, and then two.

I emptied out the bottom shelves of two kitchen cabinets and stocked them with as many toys as would fit. Since my kitchen had a narrow pantry where I spent most of my cooking time, this was perfect. I was able to do my kitchen chores and keep peripheral vision on the older child while the baby was in the playpen. This technique was very effective when the second baby became a toddler. It helped the girls to learn to play together and feel safe that Mom was nearby. As children become used to playing together there can be a significant yield of “Mom” time.

Create a Safe and Interesting Play Area

If Mom has a different set up in her house, she might create a safe and interesting play area in another room adjacent to the kitchen, or a room in which she spends a lot of time. It is important that the set up allow a peek at the kids when safety is an issue. There are very “cool” large puzzle mats one can purchase that define play spaces. Your child can be taught that a certain space is his play spot while Mom is in the kitchen or busy in another room. The ages of the kids will determine how far away Mom wants to go while the children are in their special areas. Turning one room, (if you have the space) into a special (safe) playroom, can give the kids lots to do for a few hours. The trick is to keep a safe and interesting inventory that gets updated to fit the ages and changes in the kids.

“Baby proofing” the house also helped when the kids were between 2 and 5. Taking away dangerous things or those I wanted not to break, and installing a gate at the bottom of the stairs, allowed the kids play and roam a little while I did house tasks, read or rested. Actually taking a nap did not meet safety concerns when the girls were very little.