Positive Guidance and Discipline Strategies: Description and Explanation (continued)

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• manage your emotions well and repeat the limit calmly and with good will.
• call the child’s name again.
• pick up the item, and matter-of-factly hand the item to the child.
• repeat the request.
• avoid simply restating the limit in a snappish, peeved way because your irritation will show and will likely bring out anger and stubbornness from the child; then you will have a full-blown argument on your hands.

Help Children Accept Limits

Authoritative caregivers and teachers help children willingly accept good limits. They do several things to set the stage so that children will accept legitimate boundaries on behavior. Here are some practical ways to get you started on helping children willingly accept limits.

Researchers demonstrated many years ago how important it is to set the stage so that children can accept a limit (Schaffer & Crook, 1980; Stayton, Hogan, & Ainsworth, 1971). Adults who effectively help children accept limits believe that children are naturally compliant (Haswell, Hock, & Wenar, 1981). Authoritative adults tune in to a situation, help children focus on the task at hand, and give good cues.

Tune in to the situation
Observe what the child is doing before stating a limit.
Be responsive and take into account what a child is doing because her activity is important to her. If Moua is putting together her favorite puzzle when the cleanup signal is first given, she will very likely try to finish her work before putting things away.

Give children a reasonable amount of time to complete their work.
Consider cleanup in a classroom. Before officially beginning to clean up, announce cleanup quietly to the whole group, to small groups, or to individuals, and then allow the children a bit of time to finish up their work.

Decrease distance between you and a child.  Avoid calling out limits from across the room. Decrease horizontal distance by walking toward a child. Decrease vertical distance by bending or stooping so that you can talk directly to a child.

Get a child’s attention, politely.
Touch a child on the arm or say her name quietly. Using nonthreatening verbal or nonverbal cues and appropriate physical contact ¹ is essential with toddlers and is highly recommended with preschoolers, especially those who have not learned to live with reasonable boundaries and limits at home.

1. A note on appropriate physical contact: This is a source of comfort to a young child and is a part of the style of sensitive, supportive, encouraging adults. Appropriate physical contact reassures a child, is never imposed on a child, and is given in response to the child’s needs. With recent concern about child abuse in schools, it is prudent for school personnel to be clear about the policy of appropriate physical contact between staff and children. This policy must also be clearly communicated to and discussed with parents.

Help children focus on the task at hand and give cues
Direct a child’s visual attention to a specific object or task.  “Here’s one of the puzzles that you worked on, Moua,” you say as you show her the puzzle you are holding and then point to the puzzle table. This is orientation compliance; its purpose is to orient the child properly (direct her attention toward something) before stating a limit or making a request.

Have the child make contact with a specific object.
For example, place a puzzle with which a child has worked in her hands and say, “Please hold the puzzle while we walk over to the puzzle table.” This is contact compliance; its purpose is to help the child tune in to the task at hand before she is asked to do anything specific.

Make your specific request (ask for task compliance).  A child is much more likely to comply with your request when you have properly oriented her. It is much easier for a child to accept the cleanup limit when she is at the puzzle table holding the puzzle rather than when she is sitting in another area listening to a story when you announce cleanup.

Give reasons for rules and limits
Children accept limits much more readily when they understand the rationale behind them (Baumrind, 1996). Three practical suggestions will help you use reasons well: give short, simple, concrete reasons, decide when to state the limit, and decide whether you need to restate the limit.

Give short, simple, concrete reasons along with a limit, and decide when to state the reasons. Example.
“Put the lid on the paint cups” (the limit). “It will keep the paint fresh” (the reason).

State reasons for limits either before or after stating the limit, or after a child complies with the limit.

Examples.  State the rationale before you give the limit: “We need tables cleared of toys before we can have snack” (the reason). “Put each puzzle back in the rack” (the limit). Some children tend to argue less about a rule if they hear the reason first and the limit second.

State the rationale after you state the limit: “I want you to put the puzzles away” (the limit). “Then the table is clear for snack” (the reason).

State the rationale after the child accepts the limit: “The puzzle table is clear! Now we can eat snack at that table.”

Decide whether you need to repeat the rationale if you restate the limit.  Repeating the rationale is a good idea when you want to emphasize the reason for the limit, perhaps when children are first learning a limit.

Example.  Mrs. Vargas said before going out to the playground on the second day of school, “Tell me our safety rule about how many children are allowed on the sliding board at one time.” “That’s right, only one at a time so that nobody gets hurt.” She also showed a picture of one child on the slide.

Be aware, however, that some children might try to distract you from carrying through with a limit by playing the “why game” (i.e., repeatedly asking, “Why?”). Ignoring their “Why?” is one of the most helpful things you can do for them. You can also say, “I think you’re having fun asking me why and I’ll tell you why one more time and then the game is over” (Seefeldt, 1993).

Communicate Limits to Others; Review Limits Periodically

Communicate classroom limits to every person who works in your classroom
It is important that everyone who works in your classroom, however short the time, understands and uses the same limits. This includes, but is not limited to, parents, other volunteers, specialists, the principal or director, children from upper grades, college students in a practicum, and persons invited to do a presentation. Some children are confused when adults in the same classroom use different limits. Other children quickly figure out that the adults are inconsistent and use the inconsistency to their advantage.

Example.  Mrs. Vargas forgot to tell a new volunteer about some of the classroom rules. The volunteer told two boys that they could just leave the blocks out and that she would put them away. The classroom rule is that children put away things that they have used.

Communicate classroom limits by posting the list on a large poster board in a conspicuous place. Point out the list when the person first comes to the classroom. Alternatively, have a number of copies of a handout titled “Classroom Limits” ready to give to anyone who works in the room. Talk with all classroom workers and visitors about how important it is for all adults to use the same limits. Demonstrate limits when necessary, as with proper hand washing.

Communicate information on limits to parents
Bring parents into the guidance circle. You can make classroom limits even more effective by telling parents about the limits. First, this highlights limits for parents and reassures them. Second, communicating effectively with parents tells them that you think they are worthy of your time. This will help you develop a good working partnership with parents. Third, talking with parents about limits might help some parents ask questions about limit setting at home.

Parents like the topic of how to set and maintain reasonable limits when it is offered as a parent education topic. Communicate information to parents about setting limits in a variety of ways: with handouts, newsletter write-ups, appropriate articles, formal parent meetings, and videos/DVDs either used in meetings or borrowed by parents. See the “Working with Parents” feature and the list of Web sites at the end of this chapter. You will find many handouts and other free or inexpensive material about guidance and discipline to use with parents.

Teach Helpful or Appropriate Behavior

Help children construct knowledge about self-control by teaching them about helpful behaviors. The goal is to facilitate their understanding of knowledge and skills that will help them the most. Children must learn so many behaviors that they do not know automatically. Here are just a few examples:

• How to ask for something
• How to listen when others talk, not interrupting them
• How to join a play or work group
• How to put things away when they complete a project
• Skills for participating in a group, such as where and how to sit, how to listen, how to offer an idea, and how to get the teacher’s attention
• Mealtime manners, such as passing things and waiting their turn

Plan lessons on teaching the skills. Choose from your large collection of teaching strategies and incorporate them into your regular teaching plan. Teach individuals, small groups, or large groups. Use songs, stories, finger plays, flannelboards, demonstrations, films, videos, guest speakers, or other methods.

Example.  At the beginning of the school year, Mrs. Vargas observed that several of the children did not understand the concept of passing things. For instance, the children seemed confused about how to pass baskets with snacks, and did not know how to pass pitchers with juice or milk. Here are two examples of the lessons through which she taught the children how to pass things.

Lesson #1: Large group. Mrs. Vargas held a basket filled with colored squares of paper. She said, “I’m going to take one of these squares from the basket. Then I’m going to pass the basket to Nellie” (who sat next to the teacher). Nellie takes the basket. “Now, Nellie will take one square out of the basket and pass the basket to Ralph. Ralph takes a square and passes it to Justine.” After all the children had a chance to pass the basket, Mrs. Vargas showed them a basket used at snack time. She said, “We will pass baskets like this one when we eat snack.”

Lesson #2: Snack time. “Here’s the basket that we will pass! I’ll start today.” Mrs. Vargas softly chanted as she took a cracker and then passed the basket,

“Mrs. Vargas takes a cracker and passes them to Jordan.

Jordan takes a cracker and passes them to Chelsea.

Chelsea takes a cracker and passes them to Ralph.”

They continued singing until every child had passed the basket.

Observe a child or a group to ascertain the skill that you need to teach. Consider using checklists, anecdotal records, or rating scales to assess the needs and abilities of your students (Marion, 2004). Use observation to assess a child’s understanding after you have taught a skill. Mrs. Vargas observed during large group when she introduced the concept that every child except Calvin seemed to understand the meaning of “passing a basket.” By the end of snack time, however, Calvin, too, seemed to understand the concept because he passed the basket quickly when it was his turn.