Positive Guidance and Discipline Strategies: Description and Explanation (continued)

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Change activities.  Authoritative caregivers understand that a variety of things might affect children’s attention or behavior. They are skillful enough and have enough confidence in their ability to modify plans or to abandon a plan if necessary.

Examples.  Mr. Claiborne had just gathered the entire group for story time when the roaring noise started. The earthmovers had come onto the school grounds to start digging the swimming pool. There goes group time, he thought, but remained calm. To the children he said, “Let’s walk outside and stand out of the way so that we can watch for a little while. Then I’m going to tell you the story of an earthmover !’ ”

Ignore Behavior (Only When It Is Appropriate to Do So)

Ignoring behavior:  no longer paying attention to a specific action. The ignore strategy is appropriate for some behaviors but completely inappropriate for others. Ignoring certain things, when it is appropriate to do so, decreases the number of times that a teacher will see or hear the actions. This occurs because the adult stops giving attention for a behavior to which the adult has mistakenly paid too much attention. The main idea here is for the adult to change what she herself does, reminding herself to stop paying attention to the child’s behavior

Do Not Ignore These Behaviors
I usually like to state things as positively as possible. However, in this section I will use the phrase “Do not ignore . . .” several times for emphasis. Some behaviors are clearly dangerous, destructive, or hurtful. Do not ignore them because doing so might well place someone in danger. I will also describe a better way to approach the situation.

Do not ignore children when they treat someone rudely, embarrass someone, are intrusive, are disrespectful, or cause an undue disturbance.  Young children do some of these things because they might not yet know a better way of behaving, and some older children may act this way because they have not learned to treat others with respect. With younger children, state guidelines and teach the better way. Avoid ignoring inappropriate behavior. Older children must learn from adults to value politeness, to respect boundaries, and to adhere to limits that convey these values.

Example.  Nellie charged right up to the computer station and sat down just as Ralph was about to take his turn. Mrs. Vargas said quietly to her, “You are really eager to work at the computer, but it’s Ralph’s turn right now. Let’s put your name on the list. You’ll get your turn soon!”

Example.  Jordan said to a volunteer who told him that it was time to get ready for lunch, “You can’t tell me what to do. You’re not the teacher.” Mrs. Vargas took Jordan aside and said, “Jordan, you were disrespectful to our visitor. It was his job to remind everybody about washing hands before lunch.”

Do not ignore a child who endangers anyone, including himself.  Authoritative adults do not hesitate to forbid certain classes of behavior, including dangerous, aggressive behaviors or behaviors that degrade others. Ignoring dangerous, destructive behavior leads children to believe that the environment is unresponsive to them (Baumrind, 1996). Ignoring aggressive, destructive, or ego-damaging behavior (toward animals as well as people) gives unspoken approval. The aggression will likely increase, which leads other children to think that adults will not protect them from aggressive outbursts.

Do not ignore a child who damages or destroys property.  Again, ignoring such destructive or potentially destructive behavior conveys adult approval. Instead, give children a clear, direct, nonblaming message of disapproval for destructive behavior.

Example.  Mr. Nellis said to a first grade girl who had grabbed the end of a large collage on the wall and pulled, ripping it in half, “Lucy, it is recess time. You will be helping me fix the collage that you’ve damaged before you can go to recess.”

Guidelines for using the ignore strategy
It is safe to ignore some behaviors, usually behaviors that are not hurtful, not destructive, not disrespectful, and not dangerous. In fact, it is a good idea to ignore behaviors such as

• whining or arguing about limits.
• any other effort to distract you from following through on a limit.
• efforts to pull you into an argument.
• a child’s efforts to try to make you angry.

Adults who use the ignore strategy successfully follow these guidelines:

Tell the child that you will ignore a specific, targeted behavior whenever it occurs.
Mrs. Vargas decided to use the ignore strategy when Nellie argued about limits. The teacher knows that telling Nellie about the strategy will make things easier. So, she politely but clearly told Nellie that she would stop paying attention to her when Nellie argued about a limit, “Nellie, I’ve made a mistake and paid attention to you when you argue about some things. I’m not going to pay attention to you when you argue with me. I won’t look at you, and I won’t talk to you when you argue.”

Realize that it takes time to effectively use the ignore strategy.
The difficulty is that adults usually give a lot of attention to the very behaviors for which their attention has caused problems for the child. When an adult decides to use the ignore strategy, a child who has received so much attention for unhelpful behavior (such as arguing or whining) will be surprised and is likely to increase the intensity of the arguing or whining. Essentially, her behavior says, “Look here, you’ve always argued back when I argue. Now you’re ignoring me. Looks to me like I have to argue more loudly. Maybe that will get your attention!”

Example.  Later that afternoon, Nellie, in her high-pitched voice, argued with Mrs. Vargas about cleaning up the paints. Mrs. Vargas followed through with her plan to stop giving attention to the arguing. Nellie was surprised, although the teacher had explained the procedure. The teacher had paid attention to Nellie’s arguing in the past, giving her what she wanted.

Nellie did not stop after the teacher ignored her arguing only one time. Like most children whose irritating behavior is ignored for the first time, she tried even harder to recapture the teacher’s attention by arguing even more insistently. Her teacher was prepared for the “bigger and better” arguments. She knew that she would have to carry out the procedure at least one or two more times before Nellie finally realized that her teacher really had resolved to stop paying attention to her arguing.

Decide to ignore the behavior completely, to give no attention.
This is difficult because the adult has decided to change her own customary behavior. In order to help herself stop paying attention to and encouraging the arguing, the teacher wrote the following list of reminders:

“Resist the urge to mutter to myself under my breath.”
“Resist the urge to make eye contact.”
“Resist the urge to communicate with this child, either with words or gestures.”

Teach and encourage more acceptable behavior.  Go beyond ignoring a behavior to teaching children some other, more appropriate behavior. Mr. Claiborne ignored Vinnie’s whining but also remembered to teach Vinnie how to ask for things in a normal voice. Mr. Claiborne modeled the “normal” voice.

Redirect Children’s Behavior—Divert and Distract the Youngest Children

Diverting and distracting:  a form of redirection in which an adult immediately does something to distract a child from the forbidden or dangerous activity. The adult then immediately gets the very young child involved in a different activity.

Authoritative, responsible caregivers perform most of an infant’s or young toddler’s ego functions. For example, they remember things for the child and keep them safe because an infant’s or young toddler’s concept of danger is just emerging. Authoritative adults accept responsibility for stopping very young children from doing something by setting limits that discourage certain behaviors, but they do so in a helpful way.

Diverting and distracting the youngest children accomplishes both of these tasks. An adult can be most helpful by immediately doing something to distract the child from the forbidden activity and steering her toward a different activity.

Example.  Mary, 16 months old, walked over to the bowl of cat food, picked up a piece, and started to place it in her mouth. Her father said, “Put the cat food back in the bowl, Mary” (a short, clear, specific limit). Then he picked up Mary and said, “You know, I think it’s time for us to take a walk!”

Redirect Children’s Behavior—Make Substitutions with Older Children

Substitution:  a form of redirection; an adult shows a child how to perform an activity or type of activity in a more acceptable and perhaps safer way. Substitution is an excellent strategy to use with children who are at least older toddlers or young preschoolers. Substitution is a good strategy to use with older children because it acknowledges the child’s desire to plan and engage in a specific activity.