Quick Guidelines for Parenting (or Teaching) Kids with Attention Deficit Disorders

Rather than "you" statements, use "I" statements that move him toward positive outcomes.

Do not say: "Don't talk to me in that tone of voice."

Say: "I'll be glad to discuss this when respect is shown."

Do not say: "Stop arguing with me."

Say: "I'll be glad to discuss this as soon as the arguing stops."

Keep your cool. Know your stress triggers and have another adult available to support you if possible. Kids with ADD react best to "matter-of-fact" communications. When you show anger, they will react quickly, often in an oppositional manner. An ugly battle can result.

Make consequences specific to the problem and dole them out in small increments. If s/he refuses to eat dinner with the family, have him get his own dinner one night a week. If time out is required, make if for 3 or 5 minutes at a time, not a half hour or hour. Make consequences follow infractions shortly after they occur. Short term memory problems makes delayed consequences useless.

Don't get hooked into oppositional arguments. When you notice that you are arguing, state the desired outcome and disengage quickly. Let him have the last word. Allow him to cool off.

Keep rewards visible and immediate to desired action.

Example: If you want him to control his behaviour on the school bus, use a custom designed form that allows him to accumulate points toward a desired outcome when he behaves. Have him keep score each day. "Bus tickets" (behaviour reports) or angry lectures do not work and can make the situation worse.

Reward for work completed. Do not punish for incomplete work.

Example: If you want him to leave the house in time to get his bus, provide a jar of tokens by the front door that he gets to add to each time he gets out on time, or if you want him to do his school work, set up a chip or point system that he adds to each day for work completed and redeems on a weekly basis. Don't be afraid to use monetary rewards. Remember, the best motivators are rewards that help him achieve his purposes.

Don't push them past what they are capable of doing.

Encourage use of the computer. Encourage them to write about their feelings. Have them keep a diary or journal. 

Assist with sequencing and transitions and train him to do it himself. Kids with ADD hate to be surprised or rushed.

Examples: If you want him in bed by 8:30 on school nights, Remind him at 8:15 "You need to brush your teeth and be in bed in the next fifteen minutes so that I can read to you." or to help him learn to get his stuff together to get out the door in the morning, teach him a rhyme such as "Two, four, six, eight, get pack, lunch, homework, and wait...". Some Attention Deficit children have a keen ear for music and can carry a tune splendidly. To help him do chores around the house, post a list of required steps on the fridge for him to follow.

Get on problems early. He may signal you that he is "heating up to a confrontation" by facial tensing, or acting angry or silly.

Encourage pretend play, read to them, make up stories. Helping them enjoy active play imagination can relax them and possibly contribute to long term healing. Bring out their natural, zany sense of humor.