Self-Esteem

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Although racism and sexism both have damaging effects on the oppressed and on the oppressor, their manifestations in the early years of school are often quite different from their adult forms. While the excellent AAUW report argues that positive cross-sex relationships may be more difficult than cross-race relationships, in elementary schools the problem is more complex. This is because families and schools generally are much better at giving young children positive cross-gender experiences than they are at giving them positive cross-racial experiences. Several examples can be seen in the typical home.

Children develop a view of self in their very early years, usually in the intimate and nurturing surroundings of the home. Evidence indicates that children learn both about themselves and about others by at least age four. Most learning of “appropriate” role relationships takes place under the guidance of females, either in the home or in child care.

When children or adults work in an intimate relationship with another person in a positive environment, they learn to like and respect that person. This equal-status interaction teaches mutual respect (Buteyn, 1989; National Education Association, 1990; Sadker et al., 1989). Most little boys have an intimate, trust-building relationship or an equal-status relationship with at least one female—usually their mother. In the early formative years, most boys learn to respect and love their mother or some other female caregiver, such as a grandmother or an aunt. Few young boys learn to dominate their mothers. This early relationship should provide a basis for future learning of mutual respect and cooperation in relationships with women.

Of course, this picture does not match the experience of all children. In a home with an abusive or dominating parent, children may learn abusive and dominating patterns. In homes with a single female head of household, boys may still learn respectful relationships. In some such homes, however, boys may fail to experience positive relationships with males. They then may get guidance from television and the streets—both inadequate substitutes for a caring family. However, generally speaking, prior to age six, most young boys and girls learn to interact with their peers without male dominance. Their early experience of respect and cooperation provides a basis for learning future equality-based relationships.

While families provide opportunities for cross-gender respect, they seldom provide opportunities for cross-racial respect. Most U.S. neighborhoods, cities, and families are segregated by race and culture. Most of our cities were more racially segregated in 2000 than they were in 1960 (Orfield & Lee, 2006). Too many of our young children do not develop an intimate, loving, caring relationship with persons of other races.

The teaching profession remains female dominated and racially segregated (National Education Association, 2003). As a result, too few young students have a positive relationship with a teacher from a minority racial or ethnic group. The lack of this intimate, perception-shaping experience makes learning mutual respect and cooperation in cross-cultural relationships more difficult. Some children learn to fear the “other,” the outsider. This fear establishes a basis for future learning of prejudice.