Siblings Aid In Role and Gender Identification

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When children grow up with other children, they experience changing role patterns not dependent on age. A new baby in a home will alter the roles that family members have. A child with special needs, as in José’s family, can affect children’s school behavior. When parents see behavior change, they need to communicate with teachers and work to resolve the situation. Hopefully these parents will also be open to teacher concerns and observations. José’s mother contacted the school and received support in resolving the conflict. When a new baby is born or when older siblings start school or leave home, circumstances within the family change for all members, and a different “curriculum” emerges. An older sibling who has been a playmate may suddenly become bossy after starting school, and younger children must learn new ways of interacting. Older children teach younger siblings “the ways of the world,” but what is learned will depend on the younger children’s interactions and emotional relationships with the older ones.

The siblings in the following vignette react differently to their older sister, and this difference could partially explain their different rate of learning certain concepts.

Much to her mother’s surprise, Caitlin learned to spell some words when she was but three years old. Her older sister Jennifer, returning from second grade, often made Caitlin “her pupil” and insisted she “write her letters,” giving her words and letters to do. Brad, closer in age to Jennifer, didn’t know letter names until he entered first grade, even though Jennifer at times tried to be his teacher as well. As a baby, Caitlin often called Jennifer her “other” mama and thus apparently was more receptive to her teaching, whereas Brad and Jennifer were closer in age, and Brad resented Jennifer’s bossiness.

Academic learning is only part of the curriculum children learn from siblings. For example, children may learn physical skills faster and at an earlier age by competing with a more skilled family member. Children learn strategies for convincing others of one’s point of view as siblings squabble and solve their differences within the family unit. Even learning how to unite in family loyalty against the outside world gives children important social skills- although not always desirable ones.

Children tend to overcome adversity and adapt best to changing circumstances in environments of positive sibling relationships, low conflict, and supportive extended families (Hetherington & Stanley-Hagan, 2002). Harris (1998) maintained that this learning from siblings and peers is even more potent than that from parents.