Social Skills Strategies for Parents and Teachers (page 2)

All students need to learn appropriate social skills to have a healthy lifestyle as a child, teen, and adult. With appropriate social skills, students can make and keep friends, give and get respect from peers and adults, self-advocate, and gain needed self-respect, self-confidence, and independence. Growing up with these skills can help a child be an independent, well-rounded, socially acceptable individual who can make his own decisions and plan his own future. Below are strategies for both parents and teachers.

Social Problem: Poor peer relationships

Parent Strategies:

• Have the child participate in non-threatening social experiences such as classes, sports, or other outside of school activities or volunteering.
• If social problems are caused due to family issues—divorce, new sibling in home, death in the family, etc, give time and support, and let the child develop skills at their own pace as long as it’s healthy for the child to do so.
• Give the child time to share peer-related concerns one-on-one or as a family.
• Let the child know that it is okay if he is not liked by everyone all the time, and that what is more important is that he has a few quality friends.

Teacher Strategies

• Create non-threatening social experiences such as smaller group sizes or having older children mentor younger (non-threatening) students to build up self-confidence in social settings.
• Include formal social skills training in class setting or individually.
• Cooperative classroom projects can help children who need to improve their social reputations. This gives them time to work on developing the small group cooperative skills, while getting to know classmates in a safe environment.
• Give children opportunities to share peer-related concerns, one-on-one, in small groups or as a whole.

Social Problem: Feels like they have no friends

Parent Strategies

• If the child does not have any friends—or feels that he doesn’t—the main priority is to help the child to identify their friends. Help the child to think back on when he needed help, or was lonely, or not feeling good. Who was there? Who helped him? Who comes over to play? Who calls? Who lets the child know when things happen in his favorite class, or sports, or on the playground? Eventually the child will see a pattern of who his friends really are!

Teacher Strategies

• Before talking with a child about this subject, observe him for a day or two at least. See whom he plays with or hangs out with. Who does the child choose to go stand by? This will give the teacher an indication as to who this student sees as his friends and companions. It will also give teaching staff an idea if this child is being harassed, bullied or victimized in any way. Also see the parent sections.

Social Problem: Dealing with sarcasm

Parent Strategies

• Work with the child to learn how to maintain his composure and stay calm. Sarcasm can be very hurtful without the other student realizing it. Children need to learn how to handle it by letting it bounce off and moving on. If a child tries to come back with his own sarcastic remarks, many times it can lead to anger on both sides and ultimately into fights.

Teacher Strategies

• Work with the child one on one to teach him/her coping skills. This can be used as a group project as well by role-playing. Use case situations where both students continue to make sarcastic remarks (verbal ping-pong). The role-play where one of the two students successfully deter the remarks. Also see parent section.

Social Problem: Dealing with social norms

Parent Strategies

Social norms are those things most of us take for granted such as:

• doing chores daily without being told;
• eating with silverware, not his hands;
• drinking from a cup, not the carton;
• cleaning up the toothpaste from the bathroom sink before he leaves; and
• asking permission before leaving with friends.

Before confronting their child for not following norms or for inappropriate behavior, a parent needs to be sure the child understands the difference between acceptable behavior and unacceptable behavior. If a child drinks out of the carton, make sure he understands that it is not appropriate—and why. Let the child know how germs are spread before correcting him for not cleaning up the sink. Make sure adults and siblings in the family are role models for appropriate behavior.

Many social norms can be handled through leading by example and talking to the child about the reasons for choosing “appropriate behavior” vs. “inappropriate behavior.”

Teacher Strategies

Social norms are those things most of us take for granted such as:

• picking up a soda can from the floor and putting it in the garbage;
• olding the door open for the person behind him;
• saying the ABCs, not burping them;
• knocking on the closed bathroom door instead of bursting in; and
• raising his hand to ask permission, not just getting up in the middle of class to get a drink.

Some of these norms can we worked on at the first of the year, and then refreshers given throughout the year. For some children, it may be a daily battle. Patience must be taken with these students. Realize that consistency is the key. Teachers may wish to enlist the assistance of the parent or older sibling to help model the desired behavior at home.

Social Problem: Interfacing with teacher

Parent Strategies

• As a new school year approaches, parents need to start talking with their child, as well as the child’s teachers and any others that might have an educational interest in their son or daughter. What type of teacher is best for him? If able, try to select a teacher that can meet all the child’s needs.
• When parents have meetings with the new teacher, they need to try to keep things positive.
• Share the great things the child can do, and put a positive spin on his limitations. For example: “When my child reads a book, he has trouble with reading comprehension, but he is a whiz at recalling details, if he can watch or listen to it.”

Teacher Strategies

• Observe and assess the INDIVIDUAL child. What are his abilities for understanding the process, for physically completing the process or activity, and his interest in the process or project?
• Give approval and praise on a regular basis.
• Encourage children to pursue activities that build on their own skill, interests and abilities. This will increase motivation and self-esteem.
• Help the child learn from his mistakes, rather than get frustrated or upset. Help the child to turn statements like, “I can’t do anything right” into those with a positive theme such as “I can do lots of things right, I just had a hard time with this project.”

Social Problem: Independent thinking

Parent Strategies

Give the child opportunities to choose (as long as safety, morals, or school policies are not waived):

• what to read;
• what to wear to school (within dress codes);
• what to play with;
• where to go;
• when to come home;
• who to go with; and
• how to decorate his own room.

Individuality helps to define a child’s independence and increases self-esteem, self-worth, and self-confidence.

Teacher Strategies

Give the student opportunities to choose:

• types of books to report on;
• types of reports (written, oral, project, or group work);
• types of activities (centers or physical, written/ oral);
• types of exercises in Physical Education;
• types of music to study in music class; and
• types of class volunteer activities.

References

Bullock, J.R. (1998). Loneliness in Young Children. ERIC ED419624. On the web. Retrieved January 17, 2003 from: www.ericdigests.org/1999-1/loneliness

Burton, C.B. (1986). Children’s Peer Relationships. ERIC ED265936. On the web. Retrieved January 16, 2003 from: www.ericdigests.org/pre-923/peerLewandowski, E. (2003) Surviving Middle

School. On the web. Retrieved January 16, 2003 from: http://www.aspennj.org/midsch

Sullivan, D. BabyCenter. Learning Milestones: Social Skills: Kindergarten through 3rd grade. On the web. Retrieved January 24, 2003. from: www.babycenter.com