The Substitute Teacher Guide to Relationships

So, How do I Build a Relationship?

The answer is complicated and simple at the same time. You have to sense what a child needs and then try hard to give it to him or her. Above all, you have to be an observer first, listening and watching each child. Observe their demeanor, their interaction with others, their classroom presence.

Building relationships is all about kindness and respect, reassurance and discipline, but most important, it’s about doing what needs to be done to help a child. Recently, I ran an orientation session for student teachers at Florida Atlantic University. The intent of the session was to begin preparation for their student teaching experience, then two weeks away. One of the many topics of discussion we covered was this one:

“How do you handle the child who has a proverbial ‘kick me’ sign on his back?”

I explained that every class seems to have one child who is an outsider, who other children ostracize or pick on. It’s more common than most people might think. I asked my group of new student teachers how they would handle the situation.

There was a long pause, and then a young education major raised her hand tentatively.

“I was that child,” she said. “In fourth grade my parents were going through a divorce, and I acted out against my classmates, my teachers, just about everybody. The kids in my class reciprocated. No one would play with me. Kids made fun of me. It was awful.”

I thought she was just reinforcing my comment about “kick me” children, but then she continued. “One day my teacher asked if I wanted to have lunch, just the two of us.”

I could see that the young woman was getting emotional just recalling the incident, but I said nothing.

“We, you know, talked about things, and my teacher asked if we could do it again in a few days, and we did. A few days later she asked another student to join the two of us. We talked and even laughed. For the first time that school year, I felt really special.”

She swallowed hard, and I could see tears in her eyes. “A few days later she asked two more kids to join the group at lunch. Before long those kids were talking to me all the time.”

“To tell the truth,” she said in a shaky voice, “it was that moment that I decided to become a teacher.”

Take the time to build relationships with your students. Fourteen years from now, someone might relate a wonderful story about you.

Is it Worth Taking the Time to Build Relationships with the Full-Time Staff?

Be prepared for one harsh reality. When you walk in the front door of the school as a substitute teacher, you won’t always be recognized as a legitimate member of the faculty. But you can earn that status by being friendly and interested in your colleagues. Say good morning to them. Ask about their classes and their families. Tell them about the last time you subbed in their classrooms. Ask how a difficult student is doing. By showing interest, you will slowly gain their respect.

Don’t feel hurt if you are not included in conversation in the teachers’ lounge. This is a place where private conversation is important. Just smile and listen. The longer you work in one school, the more involved you will become in casual conversation.

As I mentioned earlier, I never participate in school gossip. It’s highly unprofessional and can sometimes cause problems for you in the long run. Keep your standards high, and the faculty will respect you. If an opportunity for a long-term position comes along, the principal may ask faculty members what they know about you. If the responses include phrases like “competent teacher,” “very professional,” “really friendly,” and “gets along well with everybody,” it’s likely the position will be yours.

How Should I Interact with Other School Personnel?

The secretary (a.k.a. administrative assistant) in the front office is probably one of the most powerful people in the school. She has the ear of the principal at all times. She also has the ear of students, teachers, parents, and administrators. She hears all the gossip. She knows where the keys are and where supplies can be found.

Learn her name. Always say good morning and good-bye. Make pleasant small talk with her. She deserves your respect and interest. She has a hard job, and if she becomes your ally, your life in that school will be much, much easier.

In some classrooms, you’ll work with paraprofessionals (e.g., teacher’s aides), who can be very helpful. Although they’ll be familiar with the classroom routine and every child’s name and quirks, you shouldn’t feel intimidated by the paraprofessional. Use his or her knowledge and always express your thanks for the help, but remember that you’re the teacher. Be a strong and confident team leader.

What About Interacting With Nonteaching Staff?

If you’ve been granted a long-term subbing assignment at a school, it’s time to make friends with the custodial staff. A kind word and smile, coupled with respect for the hard work they do, will do wonders when something needs to be fixed.

During one long-term assignment, I built a friendly relationship with the school custodian, Frank. I noticed that whenever Frank came into the classroom, Jared, a young boy with severe learning disabilities, would be fascinated by his tool belt, the work he did, his blue work shirt, everything!

Somehow Frank sensed this and always asked the boy if he’d like to help. With a huge smile, Jared would nod until I thought his head would fall off. Before long, Jared was Frank’s “assistant.” This wonderful man, who got a GED late in life, took Jared under his wing and became an in-school father figure for the boy. One day, Jared came to me and asked whether Frank could read a story for the whole class. The custodian became the teacher. It’s an experience that I’ll never forget.

Needless to say, whenever I needed an extra desk or a new pencil sharpener, those items appeared instantly!

Summary

When you foster special relationships, they pay both shortterm and long-term benefits. Although it takes a little extra effort, it’s easy if you follow the advice in this chapter.

• Building relationships with students, faculty, and other staff will pay dividends when you return to the school for your next assignment. You’re a known quantity, respected and recognized as a “real teacher.” Your life will be easier.
• Try to sense what a child needs, and then try hard to give it to him or her. Observe and listen to each of the children. Observe their demeanor, their interaction with others, their classroom presence.
• Cultivate a friendly interaction with at least some members of the full-time faculty. If they come to know you and respect you, their good words may help you land a long-term subbing assignment or even a full-time position.
• Make the school secretary your ally. She knows everything and can help you learn the ropes.
• Become a friend with the school custodian if you’re in a long-term assignment. When things need to be fixed, it’s nice to have the custodian on your side.

Good teachers love to interact with people. Use that gift to build solid relationships throughout the school.