Talking To Your Teens About Sex And Sexual Behavior

What Can I Do?

Studies indicate that clear, strong messages from parents are critical. Yet many parents say that talking about sexuality with their teens is one of the hardest things they have faced. Here are some tips to get the ball rolling:

• Show you are accepting and understanding. Try to listen before giving advice. Let teens know they can trust you and come to you, even when they make mistakes.
• Talk to teens on an ongoing basis before problems arise. Start conversations early instead of waiting for questions.
• Share your values, beliefs and concerns with your children. They need to know where you stand.
• Before age 14, give teens accurate information about intercourse, birth control, sexually transmitted infections, body parts, feelings and relationships. They need information. Knowledge is not harmful.
• Talk to boys about girls’ development and to girls about boys’ development. They need to know about both male and female bodies, feelings and responsibilities.
• Encourage teens to express how they are feeling. Be ready to hear opinions you may not agree with.
• Inform teens about sexual abuse just like you would other dangers. This is a safety issue. Let them know that you think it is wrong for people to expect sex in return for attention, favors or compliments.
• Discourage early dating and dating older partners, both of which increase the chances of having sex.

Sexuality Education . . . Does It Matter?

No single approach to talking with teens about sex is appropriate for all adolescents in all circumstances and in every community. It is clear, however, that certain things can make an impact. All teens need sexuality education that teaches them refusal and negotiation skills and gives them up-to-date information about birth control and sexually transmitted infections before they are sexually active. In a recent review of evaluated prevention programs, the Institute of Medicine found that “sexuality education programs that provide information on both abstinence and contraceptive use neither encourage the onset of sexual intercourse nor increase the frequency of intercourse among adolescents…programs that provide both messages appear effective in delaying the onset of sexual intercourse and encouraging contraceptive use once sexual activity has begun, especially among younger adolescents.”