Talking to Your Teen about Sex and Sexuality

Educate yourself. Many parents find it hard to talk about sexuality with their child. It is normal to be intimidated by topics such as sex and sexual orientation. In order to be able to provide the kind of support that your teen may need during this time, educate yourself on abstinence, sexually transmitted diseases, and contraception. You can ask your child’s pediatrician about how and what to tell your child about sex. Or, if both you and your child are uncomfortable, schedule a visit for her to talk to her doctor. As children get older, they see the doctor by themselves, and any discussions they have are kept confidential, which may make her more comfortable. The American Academy of Pediatrics support sex education that has information on both abstinence and birth control, and research shoes that this does not increase the number of teens having sex but helps to keep them safe from unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.  Here are some sexual health terms you should know:

• Abstinence. Let your child know that the most effective kind of birth control and prevention against sexually transmitted diseases is abstinence, which means no sexual intercourse
• Birth control. Talk to your child about the importance of protecting herself against diseases and pregnancy if and when she decides to have sex, even as an adult. Let her know that she can come to you or go to her doctor for information on birth control when the time comes. For more information, visit http://kidshealth.org/parent/growth/sexual_health/about_bc.html.
• Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs). As your child’s body becomes that of an adult, let her know that if something doesn’t feel right, it’s important to let you or the doctor know. If she is sexually active and even thinks she may have an STD, it’s better to get it checked before it turns into something more serious.

Talk about what you see and hear. The things we see and hear these days in various media are very sexual and can spark a teen’s curiosity. These days, with the internet accessible to almost everyone, your teen can see and find out whatever she wants. Talk to her about how some of the images we see on TV, on the internet, and in magazines are not very respectful to people’s bodies. Also talk about any myths and misconceptions your child sees and hears. For example, some children believe that oral sex is not a risky behavior because it is not actually sexual intercourse; let your child know that you can get an STD from engaging in oral sex.

Sexual orientation. Talking about sex and sexuality is difficult for all teens, but some teens also start to think about and question their sexual orientation. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, sexual orientation is a mix of the biology that people are born with, their psychology, and their environment. In other words, neither you nor your teen can cause or prevent his sexual preferences. For teens who are gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered, or questioning, it might feel like everyone is judging them and expecting them to be straight, even their parents. Try to be supportive of your child, even if it is difficult for you to understand. Remember that no matter what, your child is still the same child that you know and love. You can support him by helping him find someone to talk to if you can’t be that person. There are also people you can talk to. If talking with your child about sexual identity is challenging, check out this site for articles that might help both you and her. http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/glbtq.htm