Toilet Training

Toilet training is a natural process that every child (and every parent) goes through. Many parents expect the toilet training process to be long and difficult. However, many difficulties can be prevented or minimized if parents wait until their children are ready to train, and if they go about training in a logical, consistent and matter-of-fact manner.

Readiness for toilet training doesn't automatically occur when a child reaches a certain age. Rather, children, over the course of many months gradually become physically and emotionally ready to take on this challenge.

What follows is information to help parents decide when the time is right to begin toilet training with their children, what methods are appropriate, and tips to help make the toilet training process as stress-free as possible. While reading this material, parents should keep in mind that the key for a successful toilet training experience is not to make too big a deal of it.

When to Start Toilet Training

Parents must take several things into consideration when choosing the right time to begin toilet training:

• The child's age. Most children begin to show readiness signs somewhere between 24-30 months of age. This is a rather wide range. The time at which a child is ready to train depends on the child, and the age at which a child is ready to train varies widely from child to child. Generally, as children approach 30 months of age, this readiness becomes more and more apparent. Before about 24 months of age, most children are not physically able to consistently control their bowels or bladder. In fact, they often have very little awareness of these bodily functions. As a general rule, the older a child is when toilet training is commenced, the quicker the process will be. Children are likely to resist if training is begun too early.
• The presence of other readiness signs. The child’s age is not the only determinant of toilet training readiness. Several other readiness signs must be apparent for toilet training to be effective (see below). If parents try to begin toilet training before their child is ready, they will be setting themselves up for lots of frustration (for themselves and for their children). Children are likely to resist if parents attempt to train them before they are ready.
• The individual child. It is important for parents to let their child lead the way. If the child seems interested in toilet training, parents should proceed. If their child seems resistant, it is probably best to put off training for a while. It is impossible to force a child to toilet train.
• Stressors. It is not a good idea to begin training when the child or his/her family is under stress (e.g., arrival of a new baby, moving to a new home, change in caretakers). Under these circumstances, it's best to wait until things have settled down, in order to avoid frustration and disappointment.

How long will it take?

Keep in mind that each child is different. Some children are ready to train before others. Some children, once they begin, train quickly, and for others the process takes longer. For most children bowel control often comes first, followed by daytime bladder control. Night time bladder control is often the last part of training to be accomplished, and it often occurs well after successful daytime control is established. It is not uncommon for children 4-5 years old to occasionally wet the bed at night.

Readiness Signs

Most children begin to give clues that they are approaching readiness for toilet training. These readiness signs become apparent generally sometime after 18 months of age, and most commonly between 24-30 months of age.

Physical Readiness

Signs of physical readiness are indicators that children's bodies are becoming capable of controlling the functions of the bowels and the bladder:

• Stays dry. One readiness sign is staying dry for a couple of hours at a time. For example, the child frequently has a dry diaper after naps, when waking up in the morning, etc.
• Urinates in larger quantities. Instead of dribbling in his/her diaper a little bit at a time throughout the day, a child who is approaching readiness begins urinating in larger quantities.
• Bowel Movements (B.M.s) become predictable and regular. Parents will often begin to see a pattern with regard to the time of day their children have bowel movements (e.g., every day after lunch and after the afternoon nap).
• The child indicates the urge to urinate or have a b.m. Children often give off clues that they are about to urinate or have a bowel movement. For example they might make faces, turn red in the face, grunt or make other noises, or they might momentarily stop an activity they're involved in. Some children even go off to a private location. Such signs often indicate a developing awareness of having a b.m. or urinating.

Emotional Readiness

These are indicators that children are becoming emotionally ready to toilet train.

• Asks to be changed. Many children become uncomfortable when their diapers are wet or soiled and ask to be changed.
• Wants to wear underwear or training pants instead of diapers. Many children expresses a desire to wear "big boy" or "big girl" underwear or training pants instead of diapers.
• Seeks privacy when about to relieve him/herself. Many children want to be alone when urinating or having a b.m. This also indicates that the child is able to postpone the urge to go for short periods of time.

General Readiness

Here are some other important things that a child should probably be able to do before toilet training is commenced:

• Follow simple instructions. The child should be able to understand and follow simple directions. He/she should also be generally willing to cooperate with parental directions.
• Walk well. Walking is an important skill to have, because in order to train, a child must be able to walk to the toilet, especially when the urge to urinate or have a b.m. strikes
• Pull pants up and down. The child must be able to remove his/her clothing. It helps if parents provide clothing that is easy to get on and off.
• Understand the concept of using the toilet. The child must be able to understand what the toilet is for and that it is important to learn to use it.
• Understand the connection between urinating or having a b.m. in the toilet and having clean/dry pants. The child must be able to understand that if he/she uses the toilet, he/she will have clean and dry pants.
• Understand toileting language. The child must understand the language that describes the toilet training process. The specific labels parents choose are not important (e.g., pee, urine, potty, poop, b.m., potty chair, toilet). What is important is that the labels chosen are used consistently. For example, if parents call bowel movements b.m.s, then they should always call them b.m.s They should encourage others in the household to do the same.
• Wants to please others (parents). It is common for children to pass through a negativistic period sometime around the age of two. At this time, most children express a great desire for independence. They are often uncooperative for no other reason than to see what it's like. This normal negativism can turn toilet training into a fierce battle of wills. This is why parents should wait until their child has passed through this negativistic phase before beginning toilet training. After this period, children often calm down quite a bit and are more willing to cooperate with simple requests. It is common for children, after passing through this negativistic period, to be more interested in pleasing their parents than in asserting their independence. And again, the time when this occurs differs with each child.
• Able to make others aware of the need to "go." The child must be able to let his/her parents or someone else know (through either words or actions) that he/she needs to be placed on the toilet.
• Sit quietly for short periods of time. Children going through toilet training will be required to sit for short periods of time either on the toilet or on a potty chair. It is logical, therefore, that children be able to sit still for short periods of time before toilet training occurs. It is important to remember that to increase the success of toilet training, and to avoid frustration and discouragement, parents should wait until their child is clearly ready. Their child should display most of the above-mentioned readiness signs before beginning training.

Equipment

Here are some important purchases that parents should make before training begins.