Transition to College: Separation and Change for Parents and Students

Introduction

Going to college is more than just "going back to school." The departure is a significant milestone in the life of a family and ushers in a time of separation and transition, requiring an adjustment on the part of parents, the college-bound teenager, and the whole family.

College students today

Who goes to college?

Almost 64% of the high school graduating class of 2003 were enrolled in colleges or universities, with women outpacing men (66.5% vs. 61.2%).1 With regard to ethnicity, 84.1% of Asian graduates, 65% of white graduates, 58.3% black graduates and 58.6% Hispanic graduates went on to college1.

College and careers

Students are apt to find their parents were right when advising them to get a college degree or at least obtain additional education after high school. In fact, those with a college degree will earn $500,000 more over a lifetime than their non-degree peers, and even technical jobs will require advanced learning of some kind. But college isn't the end of learning and students don't necessarily have to have only one set career goal in mind. It's fine to use college as a way to explore areas of interest while keeping in mind that the average worker holds 9.2 different jobs between the ages of 18 and 34.2

College and finances

Financing higher education is still a source of stress for many college bound students and their families and students themselves are pitching in. According to one survey, 83% of high school students expect to have a job while attending college or vocational school, and 50% of college students end up working 25 hours/week and 30% work full time. This added burden of working to earn money is cited as necessary to help pay for college.3

Adjusting to college life

The stress levels of college students have been rising since 1985. In one 1999 survey of 683 colleges and universities conducted in the first days of school by the University of California at Los Angeles, 30.02% of the freshmen acknowledged feeling frequently overwhelmed, almost double the 1985 rate. The increased number of students feeling stressed has been accompanied by an increase in utilization of mental health and counseling services; one institution reported a 29% increase in the use of counseling and psychological services in the last 4 years and another reported that 40% of the first-year students visit their counseling center.4

The impact of the student's move to college on parents

Moving on to college represents a significant step towards adulthood. Whether the student lives at home or goes away to attend college, the move represents an emotional separation for both parents and child. For most, the end of high school marks the symbolic end of childhood. This phase of life, especially when the student moves from home, is often referred to as “the empty nest.” Many parents talk enthusiastically about the changes—they feel less constrained, have more free time, and no longer endure loud music or competition for the phone, computer or car. But a sense of loss is apparent in comments such as "it's so quiet around here" or "I can't believe how much less I spend on groceries."

Challenges for parents

Feeling a void

Feelings of emptiness characterize this stage of separation—there is vacant time and cleaned-out rooms. Parents may feel unprepared or uncomfortable without their role as primary caretaker and protector. Parenting is a tough business and a double-edged sword; successful parenting requires devoting one's life to a totally dependent being to ensure a safe, independent departure into the world —leaving parents behind. Joy may be mixed with longing as the young adult takes flight from home base.