What Matters Most : Thoughts for Students

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Parents want the best for you and want to help. Let them, within boundaries.

Although parents differ widely in their knowledge, abilities, and resources, almost all want to help a college-bound student however they can. Be gracious and communicate with your parents so that they can help appropriately. The trick is to define boundaries for what is helpful, what is intrusive, and what is counterproductive. Each family is different—so you’ll have to work this out.

Parents can sometimes make great suggestions about colleges to consider. They can also be your companions on trips to see colleges in person. And they can sometimes be good editors, proofreaders, and clerical assistants, depending on their background, as you prepare your applications. The more both you and your parents know about the college admissions process, the easier it will be to agree on what form their help should take. Encourage them to be partners with you. If they see you taking charge maturely, they will be much less likely to feel that they have to be constantly on your case.

Recognize that launching a child into adulthood is emotionally difficult for many parents—help them get through it.

Sending a child off to college is bittersweet for many parents. They share your delight at your prospects for a wonderful future, but at the same time they can’t help feeling a sense of loss. The child they have loved and nurtured for eighteen years is now a young adult, ready to leave home for a new life in which parents will play a much less prominent role. Try on occasion to put yourself in your parents’ place. Something as simple as an occasional heartfelt “thank you” in response to help that is offered can make all the difference to a parent struggling with a changing role.

Share something about the high school scene with your parents. Most know surprisingly little about the pressures at school, and they are often unaware of the many discussions about college that go on between you and your friends. If you help your parents understand the environment you navigate every day, they will appreciate why your experience of the college admissions process may be very different from theirs.

The most important part of the college admissions process is choosing schools that would be a good match. Be as honest as you can with yourself about your interests, preferences, strengths, and weaknesses as you consider colleges.

A successful college experience is all about fit—finding a college that is a good match for you. The most important, and probably hardest, part of the process is self-assessment—an honest self-evaluation of your interests, preferences, strengths, and weaknesses. The next toughest part is doing the necessary research to find colleges that are a good match based on your self-assessment. Part of that match includes a determination of the likelihood of acceptance. You want to be sure to have a range of colleges on your list to ensure that you will maximize the likelihood of a good outcome.