Cliques are all about Identity and Approval

The method to clique madness: why do children need to use each other in order to find themselves? 

• need to establish identity
• need for approval, acceptance and belonging 

Finding themselves depends on children comparing themselves to peers as well as distinguishing themselves from them. After dressing, acting and expressing themselves similarly to gravitate to one another, children form a social group that provides its members an identity based on shared activities, values, clothes and behaviors – which then serves as a basis of comparison to (and for) others. Recognition of group characteristics helps children build understanding about human differences. 

Research suggests that cliques also form naturally from intrinsic motivation to identify with friends in behavior, dress and academic achievement; not simply from fearing social consequences of failure to conform. 

Your child is only trying to find herself, but she may need a little help with her compass. Be sure to continue instilling the values that cliques will not, including: 

• High self-esteem is the force behind optimism, sound decision making, the strength to resist negative peer pressure, and more elements of positive growth. Be on the prowl for chances to give your child every reason to believe she doesn't have to rely on her group to feel good about herself. Celebrate every accomplishment, praise every effort. Compliment physical attractiveness, highlight sources of inner beauty. Tuck her in every night with a different reason to value the unique person she is, and surprise her with occasional notes in her backpack or lunch bag, reminding her how much you care.
• Remind your child that sometimes her happiness will rely not on following the group, but following her own star. Encourage her to seek out activities that nurture her personal interests, and she may find healthy additions to her peer group that share her values and passions.

For more on this topic, see the complete article: