Is Your Support Relevant?
For truly effective writing, supporting material must be relevant. It is all too easy to stray from your subject and include information, arguments, or anecdotes that are merely distant cousins to your topic. Be extremely careful in evaluating your rough draft for this common error.
As an illustration, look at the rough outline below. (You saw a later version of this student's outline in Lesson 14.) Look carefully at this early draft of the outline and evaluate the supporting ideas it includes.
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Title: Should School Uniforms Be a Requirement in Our School? Introduction (Thesis Statement) School uniforms should be instituted in our school because they will relieve tensions among students and make all students feel equal. Body of Essay Paragraph 1: statement of thesis and description of controversy throughout the country Paragraph 2: list of reasons why school uniforms are a good idea Paragraph 3: description of the high costs of school uniforms Paragraph 4: description of negative reactions among some students Paragraph 5: quotation and comments from a principal of a school that has rejected the use of uniforms Conclusion While there has been some serious criticism within the student body about the use of school uniforms, there is good evidence that uniforms do create a more democratic atmosphere and reduce tensions among students. An experiment for a year to try out the use of uniforms seems to be an ideal solution to the controversy. |
Does this outline suggest any supporting material that you suspect may be irrelevant or otherwise inappropriate? Look at these criticisms of the outline:
- Paragraph 3, which offers facts about the cost of uniforms, does not provide good support for the writer's thesis. In revision, she might correct this problem by comparing the high cost of uniforms to the often higher cost of regular clothes. Such an argument might support the use of uniforms.
- Paragraph 5 offers a quotation from a principal who rejected the use of uniforms. While it is often a good strategy to acknowledge the opposing argument, this is a tricky way to proceed. One way of making it work might be to discount, in some way, the quotation from this principal. Another might be to add a quotation, ideally a more convincing one, from a different principal, one who supports the use of uniforms.
Tip
Be careful when you do interviews. Your interviewees might not turn out to be the people you thought they'd be!
Checking Your Persuasive Strategies
After you've checked your rough draft once to be sure that all the information you've included is relevant, you must do another evaluation of the quality of the persuasive strategies (or tactics) that you've used.
In Lesson 20, you learned six types of support for your thesis. Review them here to make sure that you have used as many types of support as possible in order to strengthen your thesis:
| 1. | provide details and examples |
| 2. | provide facts for support |
| 3. | provide reasons to agree |
| 4. | include anecdotes and descriptions |
| 5. | include expert opinions and quotations from authorities |
| 6. | include quotations, diagrams, or other visuals |
Another very useful way to evaluate the effectiveness with which you've supported your thesis is to ask yourself a series of tough questions. Imagine you're a serious critic, or a demanding teacher, and apply these standards to your draft:
- Is each of the supporting paragraphs very specific and relevant?
- Does the essay establish authority with a strong voice and an appropriate tone?
- Does the essay acknowledge arguments against your thesis and counter them with good evidence?
- Have you supported your thesis with enough information? (Failure to do this is a very common error made by writers in a rush to finish the assignment.)
- Have you double-checked to make sure that you have included no language or generalizations that might offend your readers?
If you can answer yes to all of these questions, you've done a miraculously good job of writing your first draft. If you are forced to answer no to any of the questions, you're lucky to have guidance about the draft's weak spots. These questions point you to the areas where you need to strengthen your argument, either by expanding your supporting paragraphs or by adding new ones that enhance the persuasiveness of your argument.
It is extremely rare for even a professional writer to be entirely satisfied with a first rough draft. The checklists and questions provide a roadmap to follow in reworking your essay. The hardest part of revising a draft is attacking these big-picture issues. Once you're satisfied that your draft reflects your best efforts to assert, explain, and defend your thesis statement, you can go on to do the detail work of polishing paragraphs and individual sentences. The paragraph detail work of revising an essay will be the subject of the next lesson.
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