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Sample Essay Exam Questions and Answers Help (page 3)

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Updated on Sep 7, 2011

Assessment

On a scale of 1–5, this essay received a 5. It shows an insightful understanding of the assignment. The writer chose a strong example of an influential person, and then skillfully developed her ideas with specific examples. We learn much about Grandma, and the writer constantly connects these details back to the main idea: that Grandma had a huge impact on her life in three major areas. The writer shows an excellent command of language. There are no grammatical errors, and she varies her sentence structure to make the reading interesting and enjoyable. This essay fully addresses all areas of the rubric in a strong way and is a good example of clear competence in writing.

Response #2

When someone comes into our lives for a long time, he or she leaves a footprint on our soul. I would say the biggest footprint in my soul comes from my little brother, Mario. Even though we've never had a conversation, Mario is a very big influence for three main reasons.

Mario is a peaceful person. He has a brain disease called lissencephaly. That happens when the brain is not bumpy and grooved like it's supposed to be. He has been like this from birth, and there's no cure. But Mario is like a little angel. He sits in his wheelchair and plays with his toys. Even though he is 8 years old, he can't walk or talk. But he has an inner peace that shines in his eyes. He never seems to worry about anything. He hardly ever cries or gets upset. He isn't impatient like the rest of us. He just takes each day, each hour, each minute as it comes. He has taught me about being peaceful no matter what is going on around me.

Mario has also taught me about unconditional love. Unconditional love means you love someone not because of what they can do for you, or what they have done for you, but just because you love them.

Mario also has influenced me to enjoy the simple gifts in life. I can run, walk, talk, and learn. Most of my friends complain about homework, girlfriends, and petty, stupid fights with their friends. But Mario, without saying anything, reminds me that it's all good. I have more than he does, and I should be content with what I have. I don't need to have the newest CD or my own car to be happy.

Not many people have a special gift like Mario in their life. I am really lucky because he has influenced me, I think, to be a better person. I've learned a lot about life from him, how to live and how not to live.

Assessment

On a scale of 1–5, this essay received a 3. The student shows a basic understanding of the assignment, using the example of his brother Mario to develop a response to the prompt. There is good development, particularly in the second paragraph, with specific examples. However, the second body paragraph, about unconditional love, is unsupported. Detracting from the essay are a very basic vocabulary and little sentence variety. This is a fair response with good ideas that would benefit from more sophisticated grammar and vocabulary and more concrete support.

Response #3

My mother is the person who influenced me the most. She is a very hard worker. She is a very devoted mother, and she is tough.

My mother works at Macy's, cleaning the rest rooms and straightening up the stock after the store closes. It is not an easy job, she does it from 12 midnight til 8 in the morning. My mother wanted to go to college, but her parents didn't have no money. She really want us to all go. I would love to make her proud of myself. That would be a great reward to her for all she did for us.

My mother cares about all the things that no other mothers pay no attention to anymore. She won't let me hang out with my friends without calling, no boys in the house when she's not home, I have to cook and clean, etc. She is a very devoted mother.

One day, some lady almost ran me over in front of my house. My mother went out there and tryd to find what the cause was. Well, the lady starting screaming at my mother, and she was the one at fault! My mother yelled back and even called the cops on this lady, she isn't afraid of anybody.

I think I will probably turn out to be just like my mother, and that would be fine with me.

Assessment

On a scale of 1–5, this essay received a 2. It shows a basic understanding of the assignment, but little development. The writer lays out three ways her mother has been influential in her life, but then fails to adequately develop them with examples. In the second body paragraph, the writer never makes a connection between her mother's strictness and being a devoted mother. In addition, she doesn't really discuss how this has affected her. There is a weak introduction with no real "hook," and a short conclusion that weakens the organization of the essay. The sentences are simple and contain noticeable errors, particularly run-on sentences. Overall, this response shows marginal competence in writing.

A practice exercise for this concept can be found at Sample Essay Exam Questions and Answers Practice.

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