Cyberdating Abuse: What Parents Need to Know
Topics: Teen Years (13-19), Children and the Internet, Parent's Guide to Understanding the Internet, Keeping Your Child Safe on the Internet, CyberBullying
Lots of things have changed since you were in high school. And dating is one of them. Breaking up has always been hard to do, but these days, it's even harder. Teens may be able to avoid their ex in the school hallway, but a former boyfriend or girlfriend can get to them, whether they see them or not.
According to a survey of 13 to 18-year-olds conducted by Teenage Research Unlimited (TRU) for Liz Claiborne Inc., the Internet has changed the face of dating. And not for the better. Seventy-one percent of teens surveyed regard boyfriends/girlfriends spreading rumors about them on cell phones and social networking sites as a serious problem. And 68 percent of teens say partners or former partners shared private or embarrassing pictures or videos of them without their permission.
Sometimes, it's a way to get back at an ex. Sometimes, it's a way to exert control. "My boyfriend terrorized me in a number of ways, but one of the most effective was through email. Email became one of his primary methods of control, especially when my parents refused to let us speak on the phone. He wanted to know where I was every second of every day," says Kendrick Sledge, a teen dating abuse survivor.
Her story is growing all too common. And one of the biggest problems about this new trend is that parents are completely oblivious that it's happening. Almost one in four teens surveyed communicated with their partner via cell phone or texting on an hourly basis between midnight and 5 a.m. – long after mom and dad had gone to bed. Eighty-two percent of parents, whose teens were emailed or texted 30 times per hour, did not know this was happening.
In response to the staggering levels of abuse among teens involved in romantic relationships coupled with parents' lack of knowledge surrounding this dire issue, Liz Claiborne Inc. has partnered with the National Domestic Violence Hotline to create The National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline (NTDAH) and loveisrespect.org. According to Jane Randel, Liz Claiborne Inc.'s vice president of Corporate Communications: "When we set out to measure if the prevalence of technology has influenced the frequency and severity of teen dating abuse, we had no idea just how staggering the results would be. The seriousness of this issue underscores the need for a national teen dating abuse helpline."
The NTDAH is a 24-hour national telephone and web-based hotline. Parents and teens from anywhere in the United States, Puerto Rico, and the Virgin Islands can call toll-free, 866-331-9474, or log on to the website and receive completely confidential direct assistance. The telephone hotline and web site are staffed by specially trained peer and adult advocates and concerned parents. And the website, loveisrespect.org, is the first interactive dating abuse website where teens can write and get immediate help in a one-on-one private chat room.
None of that existed yet when Kendrick Sledge needed it. And she may not be able to turn back the clock and undo the trauma of the abuse she endured, but she is hopeful that the NTDAH will help the many teens currently suffering in silence. "If there was a teen dating abuse helpline when I was being abused, I might not have stayed in the relationship as long as I did."
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Comments from readers
I am 15 years old myself and I have a lot of experience with this happening all around me. A lot of my friends have been forced to end relationships because their parents have decided that they are too young to be "Dating". In my opinion, the first way to approach this is to make sure the line of conversation between you and your daughter is open. If you are stifling her, and making it awkward for her to confront you with things like this, chances are she will lie to you when the topic is brought up. You should comunicate to her your feelings on dating, how you are concerned it will interfere with her education, and get her to tell you her feelings. Obviously all of her peers have already started getting in relationships and she has a mutual connection with a certain boy. Tell her how you feel about him. Personally, for me a huge characteristic for a boyfriend for me would be that him and my mother get along. My mother always knows what is best for me and will not accept any less- let her know that. If she thinks you are just trying to keep her your little baby forever, she will feel rebellious. Maybe give her a little more leeway. Tell her you know she has a boyfriend, and give her a chance- tell her that if her grades drop even a slight bit, or she starts procrastinating on her schoolwork due to her boyfriend, she must end it with him and won't get a chance like this again. You never know. Maybe getting introduced to dating at this age will teach her character and standards when she is old enough to get in a serious relationship- any relationship she is in now is probably jsut for fun, I mean, I can't see any of my friends staying in the relationships they are in for more than a few months. I hope this helped :)