Gender Differences: High School

Your son or daughter is turning into a young man or woman before your eyes: starting to date, learning to drive, thinking about college. Yet at the same time, hormonal changes and social pressure may be creating a person you don’t know and don’t understand.

Adolescent males may appear cocky, but that’s largely because boys have trouble admitting weakness and talking about feelings. Studies show they’re just as confused and anxious as everyone else. While we’ve enacted rules to level the playing field for girls, boys still feel a cultural expectation to “be the best”. Social relationships can be competitive and hierarchical

Sports can provide a healthy outlet, as well as a great way to blow off steam. Unfortunately, high levels of testosterone mean that when they’re stressed, teenage boys tend to lash out in self-destructive ways. They’re more impulsive than girls and tend to take risks – some healthy, others foolish. Parents need to talk about substance abuse and sexual values. Boys need caring male role models – if not a father or other male relative, then a caring teacher or family friend. More than girls, they’ll need to learn how to talk about their feelings and empathize with others.

Adolescent girls were the underdogs of the academic world for a long time, but now surpass boys in high school graduation rates and college attendance. Nevertheless, they still face enormous and unique pressures: the pressure to be thin and beautiful, the pressure to seem sexy but not slutty, the pressure to achieve without displaying “masculine” traits like ambition and assertiveness.

This pressure intensifies at a time when hormonal changes make it easy for girls to gain weight, push emotions onto a roller coaster and make the approval of peers seem all-important. Teenage girls form tight bonds with friends and talk about everything – but they also assume they are being watched and judged by everyone else. Talk about eating disorders and healthy self-image with them, about sexual values and safety, and about their right to assert their own wants and needs.

Whether you're the parent of a boy or girl, angel or devil, your child will inevitably experience some of the pleasures and pitfalls of the high school experience. And, although high-schoolers often seem to be pushing their parents away, the most important thing you can do for your teenager is be there waiting when he or she is ready to talk.

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