Gender Differences: Middle School
by Hannah Boyd
Until now, family members have been the most important people in your child’s life. You still matter – a lot – but by junior high, most kids look to their peers, not their parents, for social cues. It may not bother you when your son rolls his eyes at your advice or your daughter criticizes your clothes, but knowing your child is a victim of bullying can break your heart.
The bad news is that when boys mistreat each other, they can get loud and physical; the good news is that for that reason, male bullying rarely goes undetected. If your son is coming home with torn clothing and unexplained bruises or refuses to go to school, he may be a victim of bullying. Most cases are less black and white. Male friendships tend to be hierarchical, with boys constantly jockeying for position. Even good friends trade put-downs and insults. “The unconscious purpose of this is boys preparing each other to be successful,” says Warren Farrell, Ph.D, author of Why Men are the Way They Are and the work in progress The Boy Crisis. “That is, in the real world, few people become successful who don’t know how to handle criticism. Boys learn, via this direct criticism, to not take themselves so seriously, or to change the behavior that is criticized.”
Girls, in contrast, are the undercover agents of junior high. Perhaps because anger and aggression are considered “unfeminine,” they tend to disguise their bullying tactics and social maneuvers. Instead of fists, girls use nasty notes, rumor-spreading and social exclusion to torment whichever peer is “out” at the moment. Worse, they often turn on their friends, and nice girls can get sucked into bullying because they’re scared to speak up and become a victim themselves. Overworked teachers tend to ignore or underestimate the power of these subtle attacks, but some girls report being shunned for months and driven to the brink of suicide by the pain.
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Other readers' comments on this article:
Posted by ANAISHA GEORGE on Oct 13, 2007 7:12 pm
Posted by becky allison on Feb 28, 2008 11:15 am
However, your last comment bothers me a great deal. Middle grades should be a time of exploration and growth - physically, mentally and emotionally --a time of self-examination. Who are they and who do they want to become. It should not be 2-4 years of torture to be endured.
Posted by D. Goff on Apr 27, 2008 11:35 am
Posted by sam on Jun 11, 2008 4:42 pm
Posted by sandra on Jun 11, 2008 4:48 pm
Posted by sandra on Jun 11, 2008 4:51 pm