One, Two, Tie My Shoe: Common Milestones at a Glance

When your four-year-old brushes his teeth, it’s a small tornado of toothpaste, saliva and water. And you have no idea if he actually removed any tartar from his teeth. And flossing? Please. So you begin to wonder, "Am I giving him tooth-brushing responsibility too soon?" As you see your child maturing and gaining independence, questions like these may be constantly running through your head.

Fortunately, Kathleen Gouley, Ph. D. and Clinical Child Psychologist at the NYUChildStudyCenter, has some answers. There are two main precursors in order for children to develop certain skills, says Dr. Gouley: “First, children must have the neurodevelopmental capacity to complete the task. Second, children must be given opportunities (by parents and caregivers) to practice completing the task, and given the support to do so.”  Gouley explains that parents will see small changes over time until their children have acquired certain skills. Then those skills become everyday tools for them, as they master writing, reading, or daily living skills like brushing teeth or dressing.

Wondering just when the time is right for your child to be getting the hang of things? Here's a quick guide to what your child should be capable of doing, and when. Dr. Gouley points out that every child develops at a different pace and there is a very wide range of what constitutes "normal." So unless your child swings way below or high above that range, you shouldn’t be too concerned.  However, if things are happening much slower than normal or there is a loss of a previously mastered ability, parents should talk to their pediatrician.

Reading and Writing

• Reading - by age 7

For most parents, this is the grand-daddy of all skills. Reading to your child often and pointing to the words as you read them helps tremendously to develop their own reading capacity. Most children already know their letters by age 4 and are starting to recognize sight words and letter sounds. By age 7, story-time will transform into something beautiful - you'll go from hearing your own voice, to listening to your child’s.

• Holding a writing instrument correctly; writing recognizable letters – by age 4

Generally, doctors like to see kids holding a pencil or crayon and making scribbles by their second year. By year three, they can hold a thinner instrument in a "tripod" position (getting ready to actually write). Then comes copying shapes (circles, squares, triangles) and writing letters (usually those of their name) by age four. Sometimes this skill develops early if the child has a fascination with letters. Keep in mind, though, that they’ll be continuing to hone this skill through elementary school. To encourage them to experiment with writing skills without the pressure, leave crayons and paper out and available for whenever they might want to scribble.

Daily Life Skills

• Brushing teeth effectively - between ages 6 and 7

Start early with this one. Because teeth are so important, it requires a lot of initial supervision to get right. Encourage your child to try rubbing a brush around at a young age (before age 2), so he gets used to the feeling. After all, as long as you’re showing them the proper technique, there's no reason they cannot learn how to do it effectively. Don't worry about staying vigilant while your child goes through the motions - for the sake of dental health, it’s okay to be involved with this one for a long time.