Can Lack of Sleep Cause ADHD? (continued)

• Acknowledge the Problem: If bedtime is feeling bad for parents, it’s feeling bad for kids, too. Own up to the issue. Tell your kids you don’t look forward to putting them to bed each night and talk honestly about why.
• Bring Fears into Broad Daylight: Parents often shy away from talking about fears during the day because they’re worried that will make them worse. If your child seems disturbed by a movie or a TV show, talk about it during the daytime, before bedtime rolls around.
• Put Magic to Work: Nightmares or fears are very common for kids in preschool or kindergarten because they are right in the thick of the developmental stage of magical thinking. “A big broad imagination is something we want kids to hang onto,” Diamond says, “But when children tell their parents their fears at night, often parents dismiss them with something like, ‘That’s silly. Your lampshade will not turn into the Boogie Man.’ A magical fear needs a magical solution. Tell your child you’re going to “spread mommy love around the room so the monster can’t enter”, or come up with a special face your child can make so the monster can’t come out of the closet. Spray a special “monster spray” around the room.
• Empower Your Child: Give your child the tools to combat his fears when you are not in the room. A flashlight he can squeeze when he wakes up in the middle of the night gives a child the autonomy he needs to solve problems by himself. It also encourages a child to realize he can take care of himself without waking you up.
• Outline Expectations, But Keep Them Bite-Sized: Small steps one at a time are better than a strategy that overreaches a child’s ability. Set very clear rules, but don’t be drastic, Cochran says. “For example, if you have a child that keeps getting up at night, start by telling them that their job is to stay in bed for a very small period of time. Then no matter how ridiculously and desperately short, get in there before your child gets out of bed”. Tell your child how great it is that they’re still under the covers, and then set another timeframe, for example, “I’m going to go wash my face and then I’ll check on you again.”
• Don’t Mess with the Routine: One of the most essential parts of establishing good sleep habits for children is establishing a consistent bedtime routine—then doing everything exactly the same each night. Once you have the routine, don’t alter it. “Never take away part of the bedtime routine, even if your child is acting up,” Diamond says, “Take away something else.” Anxiety is a big reason for preschool and kindergarten sleep issues. If you take away a stuffed animal or other toy during the day as a consequence for bad behavior, make sure you always give it back before bedtime. “You don’t have to give your child time to play with it. Just put it in the room and tell her it will be waiting for her when she gets up in the morning,” she says.
• Let Kids Know Who’s In Charge: It’s common for kids to test the limits of their power and bedtime is primetime for this. “If children realize they’ve got the power, they will engage parents in a struggle over this power every night,” Cochran says. Often though, kids who challenge authority at bedtime do it throughout the day as well. “Creating an atmosphere where kids experience consistently enforced boundaries throughout the day will help bedtime issues, and vice versa,” she says. Parents need to get back into the position of authority, but also develop a plan with their kids so that it feels collaborative, and not like something that’s being imposed on them, which almost guarantees resistance. “At this age you want kids to feel like they have influence in the process, but not control over the process.”
• Stick to It: Things can feel worse before they get better, Cochran says. Expect a testing stage. For a quickly adapting kid, changing the sleep routine might take two or three days. For a slow adapting kid, it could be three weeks. “Parents will try for three days and quit, try something else and quit,” she says, “They’ll say nothing works, but they may just have a slow adapter. Those children will adapt. It just takes them longer.” It requires a tremendous amount of consistency. Don’t dabble in sleep training. It can make things worse.
• Realize Sleep Takes Practice: Self-soothing, the skill that’s needed in order to become a “good” sleeper, is a learned skill. But just because a child may need more help in learning these things, doesn’t mean he will necessarily struggle more in maintaining them once they’re in place. Many parents feel that if they miss the window on sleep training when their child is an infant, it’s all over, but sometimes it’s easier to change the sleep habits of an older child, because you can bring them into the process. You can talk to them about how lack of sleep is affecting their school performance, their self-esteem, their learning, and their friendships. You can help them understand that they have the power to do something about it.

Changing a child’s sleep habits will not happen overnight. But it’s worth the effort; especially since as little as just one hour of extra sleep each night can have a profound affect on a child’s behavior.

“Sleep is highly undervalued in today’s society, and it may be considered a ‘waste of time’” Paavonen says, “particularly among children who have the constant enthusiasm to explore the world. But in fact, sleep promotes well-being, learning, social relationships and development in many, many ways. It’s the cheapest and maybe also the easiest investment that parents can make towards their child’s healthy development.”