Mini Olympics!
by John Pearson
Last Friday kicked off the XXIX Olympic Ceremonies, this time held in Beijing, China. The world watches with excitement for record-breaking times and distances, underdog victories, and female gymnasts with adam’s apples.
Since I can't go to Beijing myself, I thought it might be a good idea to present some medals of my own. Sit back and enjoy the feeling of being at an awards presentation, and you don't even need your own breathing mask! Judging is based on a 10 point scale, and we throw out the French judge's score.
Delicious yet Unhealthy "Meals" Actually Served by the School Cafeteria
- Bronze Medal ---------- nachos and cheese
- Silver Medal ---------- pancake-wrapped sausage on a stick
- Gold Medal ---------- fried cheese sticks
Most Frustrating Question Asked during a Test
- Bronze Medal ------------- "Do I have to show my work on this?"
- Silver Medal -------------- "Can I have an eraser?" (When they haven't even written anything yet!)
- Gold Medal ------------- "What do we do when we're done?" (When they haven't even written anything yet!)
Best Line to Try to Get Sent to the Nurse
- Bronze Medal -------------- "This knee is too big."
- Silver Medal --------------- "My hand feels like it's going to throw up."
- Gold Medal -------------- "Last night I was watching TV, and it got really bright, and it hurt my eyes, and now I think I'm blind."
Best Question Asked about Pluto (Upon Learning It Was No Longer a Planet)
- Bronze Medal -------------- "Pluto blowed up?"
- Silver Medal --------------- "Pluto is small enough to fit in this room?"
- Gold Medal -------------- "Pluto crashed into Uranus?"
Worst “Crime” Committed at My School
- Bronze Medal ----------------- destroying a toilet by slashing it with a screwdriver
- Silver Medal ----------------- stealing the class pet, a guinea pig, from a classroom
- Gold Medal ----------------- bringing 20 grams of marijuana to school and rolling it in a construction paper “doobie”
Best Gift I've Actually Received from a Student
- Bronze Medal ---------------- An egg. One single, unpackaged, run-of-the-mill chicken’s egg
- Silver Medal ---------------- A tranquility fountain (during a very stressful year)
- Gold Medal --------------- A 14 inch tall authentic Nutcracker figurine
That brings this year’s ceremonies to a close. Another round of applause for all of our winners, if you please.
Now we can get back to watching the real Olympics and cheering on our favorite athletes. I’ll bet they're not eating nachos and fried cheese sticks.
John Pearson is a third-grade math and science teacher in Dallas, Texas. He has degrees in mechanical engineering from Duke University and Texas A&M, so most consider his math abilities adequate enough to teach nine-year olds. He is also the author of Learn Me Good (Lulu, 2006), a funny, fictionalized account of his first year in education. Read more at learnmegood2.blogspot.com
Want more info on this topic? Start a discussion with our diverse community. Start a discussion
