Ask the Child Psychologist

Nail Biting

by Lisa Medoff

Camille posted a question about her four-year-old boy who started to bite his nails. She wants to know what is going on in his mind when he bites his nails, as well as how to get him to stop doing it. She has already tried bitter nail polish, but that did not seem to work.

• Take note of the times when your child is biting his nails. Is it before he goes to school? After you have told him not to do something? Right before dinner? Looking at the events that happen before or during his nail biting might give you a clue as to why he is biting his nails (such as being worried, hungry, or bored), and therefore point you in the right direction to solving the problem.

• You should also try to remember what was going on in your child’s life when the nail biting started. Did he get a new babysitter? Start a new school? Were you, the parent, stressed out or worried about something? Is he transitioning away from sucking his thumb?

• Do not say, “no,” grab your child’s hand, or make a sarcastic remark when you see your child biting his nails. Instead, ignore the nail biting and give your child something else to do with his hands, such as giving him something to hold or play with. A stress ball or other toys of made of squishy material can be particularly satisfying. Always make sure that your child has something to occupy his hands when he is riding in the car, watching television, waiting for you, etc.

• Look at your own behavior. Most people have bad habits that they engage in when they are nervous, and kids pick up on what adults are doing. Make sure that you are not biting your own nails, or demonstrating any other similar nervous behavior, such as twisting your hair or picking at your skin. Children also pick up habits from their friends, so make sure that your son is not around others who are biting their nails.

• Since nail biting can be a sign of anxiety, focus on keeping your home (and other places where your son spends time) as calm and stress-free as possible. Your son’s life should be as routine and predictable as possible. Try to keep loud voices and negative comments to a minimum.

• Teach your child other ways to cope with stress and anxiety. Help him put his feelings into words and pictures. Teach him how to relax by taking deep breaths, or give him simple statements to tell himself such as, “I’m okay,” and “It’s not so bad.”

• Shift your focus away from trying to catch your child biting his nails and punishing him for it. This behavior will only encourage him to try to hide nail biting from you, in addition to increasing his anxiety. Instead, tell your child that you are going to work together to figure out how to stop him from biting his nails. Have fun trying different ideas, such as wearing colored bandages on his fingers or sewing pictures of his favorite cartoon characters on to a pair of gloves that he can put on when he gets the urge to bite his nails. 

• Make sure that your child’s nails are kept short and neat. Sometimes nail biting can begin due to simple discomfort. Carry extra clippers or files with you so that you can teach your child to use these instruments instead of biting when he gets uncomfortable. 

• Keep track of how often your child is biting his nails and how much damage he does to his fingers. Mention it to your pediatrician at your child’s next check-up to see if the doctor has any concerns.   

I invite my readers share your ideas with Camille. What has or has not worked for you when it came to breaking your child’s (or your own) nail biting habits?