House Rules
by Danielle Wood
We’ve got a teenager. Not our own teenager. An au pair who’ll be living with us for the next year. The agency that set up the exchange recently sent me a letter urging me to create a handbook of House Rules.
In other words: Do I encourage dating? Can she have overnight guests? Is smoking allowed? Is there a curfew? The questions on the form have left me with a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach—I’m getting a glimpse into what it will be like when my preschooler hits teen-dom, a scant ten years from now.
Rules do not come particularly easily to me. I’m not really a rule follower myself. My house is not particularly neat. My laundry not particularly done. My lawn not particularly mowed. But as laissez fair as I can sometimes be, I still believe that certain behaviors matter, that certain rules are non-negotiable.
And so I ask myself. What is it exactly that I want my teenager or newly-minted adult to know? Here’s my attempt at a list:
1) I do not mind if you wear the same clothes several times in a row as long as they don’t smell overly offensive. But if you do do the laundry. Do not put it in the washing machine and then leave it there until a fungal colony takes up residence.
2) Your curfew is 12 am. If you will be later than 12 am, make sure you call me. And please don’t turn on the light in the living room when you’re sneaking by to get to your room.
3) Dating is all right, but use the Talk Show Test: do not bring home to mother anyone who would feel at home on Jerry Springer.
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