And Then There's Dad

We the Parents

by Gary Drevitch

If recent news reports are to be believed, thousands of parents across the country are busily writing up “family constitutions.” The idea has been promoted by no less an authority than Stephen Covey, of “7 Habits of Highly Effective People” fame. Like all parents, I have my own set of rules. But it had never occurred to me actually to put them to paper in a formal way. I’d always assumed that if I were ever to write out a specific set of rules, then I’d face intense resistance whenever I felt a need to add to it. (Also, two of my three children can’t read yet.)

But the real issue is expectations. I demand that the kids adhere to what I call the non-negotiables—hold hands in the street, stay out of the medicine cabinet, don’t drop the baby—at all times and without argument. And there’s an unspoken understanding that even if they may not follow all of my other expectations—don’t jump on the bed, put on a sweater, talk to grandma—100% of the time, I can live with that, as long as I know that they know the difference.

Still, keeping an open mind, I’ve decided to give writing a constitution a try. I checked out some of the models available on the Web, although I found that they focus more on core principles and the process of setting rules rather than the specifics of who gets to use the bathroom first. And I wonder how far that really gets you. Sure, you can write, “We are a family that respects each other’s space,” but I know that when my daughter catches my son cheating at Sorry, someone’s space is about to get disrespected. That’s life. And so Covey correctly warns would-be Founding Fathers that “a mission statement without specifics is just platitudinous.” Keeping his advice in mind, I drafted a set of rules that speaks to the core values of my family. Fellow Dads, feel free to print it out and post it in your own home:

Our Family Constitution
The following laws are to be followed by all citizens of the family, without expectation of treats, marbles, or gold-star stickers on charts:
Article One. Use forks at the table.
Article Two. Keep water in the bathtub.
Article Three. Wear underwear to bed.
Article Four. Don’t hit so much, if you can avoid it.
Article Five. I think that’s enough with the TV for today.
Article Six. Come on, why can’t you put your shoes away?

Gary Drevitch is a former assigning editor at Teen People, Parade Publications, and Scholastic. He’s also a dad with three young kids. A veteran producer of educational content for McGraw-Hill, Scholastic Inc., and Time Inc., he’s written several non-fiction books for children.  

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