Nights at the Improv
by Gary Drevitch
Let me begin by saying that I love parenting magazines. They provide a ton of useful information each month. For example, I just read five different magazines’ takes on sunscreen, and each will make me a better prepared dad this summer. I’ve also made a good deal of my living writing articles for the magazines over the past six years.
But I do have a slight beef with a certain type of parenting-magazine article. You know the ones. They have titles like, “How to Survive the Worst Tantrums EVER,” or “How to Get the Worst Sleepers EVER to Bed.” It’s not that there’s anything wrong with the advice in the articles. The advice is almost always right on. No, what bothers me are the sidebars that give me a “script” to use with my kids, like, when cleaning up, “You put away everything red, and Daddy will put away everything else,” or, for dealing with whining, the classic, “You get what you get and you don’t get upset.”
I understand why people use the scripts. They make us feel more confident, help us respond more quickly in a crisis, and coming from the mouths of a disciplined mom or dad, they give children the consistency they thrive on. But to me, they don’t feel true. They’re not me. I believe that half the challenge, and most of the satisfaction in being a parent is coming up with the right words yourself, or at least trying.
Professional comedians tell aspiring stand-ups, “Never let them see you sweat.” But I think kids appreciate seeing some perspiration. I don’t mind them seeing me stop and think before responding to spilled milk or splashed bathwater. I want them to know that whatever they hear me say, it’s really me talking. You’ll never have a more attentive audience for your improvisations. Why not see how you can handle the stage?
Besides, one of my core beliefs about parenting is that it’s always situational. Is the kids’ room a mess at 4:00, when they’re wide awake and eager to get outside and play baseball? Then you can give them an incentive: No one’s going out to play until you clean up. But if the room is a mess at 9:00 at night after a long, tiring day? Maybe a different approach is needed: Just put that yellow Matchbox car in your special box before you go to bed so if you wake up in the middle of the night, you won’t step on it, roll across the room, smash into my bedroom door, and wake me up. Similarly,if your four-year-old comes out of her room at 10:00 with a sad look on her face, it might be time to improvise some baby talk: Does Sweetie need a snuggle with Daddy? But is she coming out with a sheepish, mischievous smile? Then it might be better to try something along the lines of: Go back to bed!
In parenting, as in life, the same approach, the same words, are not going to work every time, or with every audience. And sometimes you need to go off the script entirely. When that same four-year-old is rolling around on the couch, whining because you’ve told her to go the bathroom and then get to bed, sometimes the best response is to grab her by her feet and swing her upside-down while tickling her tummy. By the time she stops laughing, she’ll find she’s been carried to the bathroom. And she’ll have forgotten why she was grumpy.
To me, that’s a move worthy of Best Screenplay.
Gary Drevitch is a former assigning editor at Teen People, Parade Publications, and Scholastic. He’s also a dad with three young kids. A veteran producer of educational content for McGraw-Hill, Scholastic Inc., and Time Inc., he’s written several non-fiction books for children.
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