Adoption and Attachment
by Lisa Medoff
Dear Dr. Medoff,
We adopted our daughter from another country when she was two years old, and she started kindergarten at a small private school this year. She has such a hard time – crying and grabbing me - when I drop her off that I usually end up staying in the classroom, or just outside, for most of the day. I know that she has attachment issues, and I don’t want to make them worse. I can tell the teacher is getting frustrated with us. Should I pull her out of school this year and wait until next year for her to start kindergarten? From, S.C.
Dear S.C.,
Attachment refers to the close emotional bonding that takes place between the infant and his or her caregiver. Many theorists believe that developing a secure early attachment is important for healthy social and emotional development. The basis of a secure attachment is a trusting relationship with caregivers. Babies develop a trusting relationship with their caregivers when those caregivers are there to take care of their basic needs, not only the need for food, shelter, and protection from harm, but also the need for consistent warmth and close contact.
In order to feel safe in exploring the world around them, children use their caregiver as a home base – someone they can return to for comfort if things get too scary. When we trust that someone will always be there to take of us, we are not afraid to venture away from her because we are positive that she will be there when we return. However, babies that have spent the first few years of their lives in an orphanage may not have received the same personal attention and care that you would have provided for your child if you had adopted her at birth. Therefore, they may not feel as secure as other children with the idea that you will return to care for them after a separation of any length. So your primary goal right now should be to ensure that your daughter feels safe with you and trusts that you will always return when you say you will.
